


Nineteen Seventy-Nine

by blamebrampton



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Canon character deaths, Drama, F/M, Implied death of main character immediately post story, Non-Graphic Sex, first wizarding war, off-page torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-19
Updated: 2010-09-19
Packaged: 2017-10-12 00:19:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 28,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/118750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blamebrampton/pseuds/blamebrampton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regulus Black already knows he's made a horrible mistake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to jadzialove and treacle_tartlet for beta-ing, and to vaysh11 and thilia for catching my last bits of lunacy.

I had gone there for Sirius. Not to speak with him, just to catch a glimpse, reassure myself he was well. She found me, crouching under a spirea bush that was only just coming back into leaf. It was not my finest hour.

I didn't hear a single thing, only felt the wand-tip press against my jaw.

'Hands open, and where I can see them.'

It was a woman's voice, but I didn't expect mercy. I spread my fingers and put a hand to either side of my head. My pockets were patted down and my wand taken from its place in my robe.

'Turn around, slowly,' she instructed.

I did, and recognised the face of my captor. 'Evans,' I said, evenly.

She shook her head. 'Potter, now. You're Regulus, aren't you? What are you doing here?'

'Looking for my brother,' I answered, honestly.

She misunderstood me, and her face hardened.

'Not like that,' I added quickly. 'There were reports, they said he's been caught by a curse. I just wanted to check he was all right!'

Her frown modified a little. 'Have you been crying?' she asked.

I told her no, but my voice cracked as I said it, which rather gave lie to the word.

She shook her head, but sympathetically. 'He's fine. They missed. Come on, I'll take you to see him.'

I sat back so quickly that I fell onto my arse – she was kind enough not to laugh. 'Are you _insane_? He'd hex me on sight.'

When I think back, that was the moment at which I started to like Lily Evans. She didn't argue – because I was right – and she didn't try to lecture me – because it wasn't the best time. 'Buy you a cup of tea?' was all she said.

'Yes, please,' I replied, too surprised to say anything else.

'Wait here, I'll let them know I'm skipping lunch. Be back in a few minutes.'

She went into the house and when she came back out, she made sure that Sirius accompanied her and James onto the steps. For a moment, I feared she was about to reveal me, but then I realised, she was giving me proof. She ushered them back inside, shouting that her husband was to eat vegetables. When she came back, I was still there. I can't tell you why I stayed, save that she is not the sort of person you argue with.

After that, she gave me my wand back, transformed my robe into something she called a safari suit and I went and drank tea in the company of Muggles, so sitting down with a member of Dumbledore's Order became the least strange part of that afternoon.

'You still worry about your brother,' she said, pushing a slice of cake towards me.

'I'm not a monster,' I reminded her, taking the cake. 'We might not see eye to eye on many things, but he's still my brother.'

'Of course he is,' she said, patting my hand.

I shrugged her off. 'I'm also not five.'

'Sorry.'

'What do you want, Evans? A cup of weak tea and a slice of surprisingly edible cake isn't going to be enough to have me confess our evil plans to you.'

She ducked her head, hiding a smile beneath her hair for a second. 'Least you admit they're evil.'

'I was speaking rhetorically.'

She looked straight up at me. 'How's Severus?'

'What do you care?'

'We were friends for far longer than we've been enemies. I care, even if he doesn't.'

'You married Potter.'

Evans rolled her eyes. 'Yes. And I doubt Sev will ever come round for tea with us.' She picked up her tea and drank the remains. 'Don't tell me then, that's fine. I'll pay, you finish up when you want to.'

I caught her arm as she stood and she let me pull her back down to her chair. 'He's all right. He worries about you. He told me to look out for you if ever I meet up with the Order, be careful not to hurt you.'

She seemed surprised. 'He told you that?'

'We're friends. I made him promise not to hurt Sirius.'

Her eyes widened, though they narrowed again soon after. 'I suppose James is fair game,' she said, bitterly.

'Well, yes,' I stated the obvious. 'I'm told he's usually aiming hexes at our side. This isn't a Quidditch match, you know.'

'No, it's not.' She helped herself to a little of my cake, and picked it apart into her saucer. 'Why does he do it, Regulus? Why do you?'

'It's what we believe in.'

'You're _so_ young. How do you know what you believe?'

'How do you?'

She looked up again, and I could see why she had such power over Severus. It wasn't just that her eyes were large and lovely; when she looked at you, it was as though you were the only thing worth her paying attention to at that moment. 'Do you really believe I'm contaminated?' she asked. 'That I'm worse than you because of who my parents are? That I'm broken in some way?'

'It's not, that's not …' I stammered. I took a breath. 'No, you're smart and pretty and you were always nice at school. I'm not sure about some of it. But I know that if this lot,' and here I waved vaguely at the Muggles sitting in the other parts of the tea room, 'knew what we could do, the way things stand now they would be terrified and we would not be safe.'

'They would be enchanted,' she argued.

'You can't know that.'

'I can. I was one of them, once.'

'And how many of them did you tell when you found out? How delighted were they?'

She hesitated before she answered. 'My mother and father were thrilled,' she said, raising her chin.

'And?'

Her chin tensed. 'What's Severus said?'

I shook my head. 'Nothing, but you just spoke volumes. We're not safe, Evans. That's all we're fighting for, a safer, better world. With us in charge, we will be protected, and we can do away with many of their ills too.'

'That might be what you're fighting for, Regulus, but it's not what Voldemort is after.'

I bridled a little at that. 'I think I know the Dark Lord's mind better than you, Evans.'

'Oh Regulus. You don't even know his name. Ask him what happened to Tom Riddle, if you ever get the chance.'

'Whatever it was, I'm sure it was well deserved. Anyway, I'd best get back. Thank you. About Sirius, I mean. And for the tea.'

'You're very welcome.'

We stood together, and shook hands, for all the world as though we actually were old school friends parting.

As we walked to the door, she paused for a moment. 'Regulus, if you ever need news about him, you can ask me, you know. And if you need anything – advice, an unbiased ear – just call.'

'Thank you, I'll let you know if anything happens with Severus.'

'I'd like that.' We were at the door by then. She pointed a little way down the road. 'You can usually Apparate from that alley. Your robe will change back in a few minutes.'

'Good bye, Mrs Potter,' I said, formally.

'Good bye, Mr Black,' she replied, with a smile.

And for some reason that was never clear to me, I kissed her cheek, as though she was one of the cousins. She smelled of strawberries and lady's mantle. I turned and walked quickly away, before she could be anything but startled. I believe that, as I was walking, I was thinking that I should probably spend more time with girls when I got back to school. At least enough to have some idea how to behave around them.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

I received few calls on my time over the next months. It was my last term at Hogwarts, and I believe I was expected to focus on my studies rather than my political career at that point. Severus wrote to me regularly, his letters were full of suggestions for study and without him my Potions mark would have been far lower.

Lucius Malfoy wrote twice: once to inform me that he and Narcissa had formalised their engagement, and once to lecture me on the need for vigilance when it came to purity of bloodlines. I'm not certain what prompted the second epistle – my lack of experience with girls was something of a phenomenon among my classmates. Even Professor McGonagall took it upon herself to tell me she was pleased to see that one young Black was capable of self control.

Given that Lucius wrote to Alecto and Barty as well, we surmised he was trying to resurrect his position as Head Boy in our minds. Severus had always deferred to him, and Amycus would defer to anyone who would let him sink the boot in later. It made sense to me: by marrying my cousin he was cementing his ties with the Lestranges, and by being seen to have some sway over we students, he was making himself into the person one would go to if one wanted to influence the youngest set.

It was a risky move, one never liked to stick one's head too far above the parapets when it came to the Dark Lord's hierarchy, but he was gambling on being seen more as a caretaker to the young and tiresome than constructing any sort of power base. By the time anyone noticed we were useful, it would be too late.

I kept my counsel, of course. He was, after all, marrying into the family.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

My father was not for it. He called the Dark Lord one of the finest minds of his generation, but he did not like him. I think, when it came down to it, the fact he was not One of Us made the Dark Lord's eager cries of blood purity suspect to my father's mind.

'Does anyone know who the man's father is?' he would ask when he was pressed on the matter. 'How am I meant to judge him if I don't know where he comes from?'

I never mentioned that this made Father sound like Sirius, though it did. Merely made excuses that the Dark Lord had risen from obscurity in an orphanage, but that it was well known his parents came from great families, and that they had been attacked soon after his birth, by Malevolent Forces, keen to stop his rise to greatness.

'It is practically a miracle,' Walden Macnair had explained to me. 'He was in a room no larger than a closet, wearing old clothes, with no idea of the richness of the world he truly belonged to when he was found and brought to Hogwarts.'

I had always longed to hear the details of the finding, but they were never told, only: 'And once he arrived, he realised what his power meant, and set about studying to become the greatest wizard who had ever lived.'

Which Father never disputed, but asked: 'And what will he do with this power once he has it?'

Mother told him he was an old fool, and Father agreed she may be right, but he advised me to seek employment in the Ministry nonetheless, and to make my fortune there. 'You can keep your friends, they may even help you, but you need a career, son. Look at Lucius. He's only a few years older than Sirius, yet I'll not be surprised if he's Minister before I die.'

'The Ministry's corrupt, Father,' I would argue, the same lines, every holiday and every time they visited me in Hogsmeade. 'When the Dark Lord brings it down, then I will help to rebuild it.'

He would tell me that I sounded dangerously European, and to remember I was British, and that we changed things from within.

All quite right. I should have told him that I listened to him in the end.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Barty woke me the day after my last NEWT. The sun was freshly up, and the rest of Slytherin was still asleep. He was clutching a letter and grinning.

'It's the call, Reg,' he said. 'They have a proper job for us!'

'No one has a job for me today, I'm sleeping in,' I told him.

But he sat on me and forced me to read the scroll, still warm where it had pressed against the owl that delivered it. It was from Mulciber, and it directed us to a house near Banbury. There had been an incident there the night before, and we were to clean up the mess.

'Sorry,' I told Barty, turning over, 'I'm a Black, I don't clean.'

He punched my arm and pulled my blankets back. 'Idiot. It's a test. We pass this, and the next call will matter. Come on.'

I should have protested that it was not done to sneak out of school, but it was Saturday, and standards were lax, and there was a small part of me that was as proud to be called on as Barty was. So we dressed, and slipped outside, and once past the gates I Apparated us down to Cherwell.

What they meant by clean up was immediately apparent. The house was outside the town, set a little back from the main street. There was no Disillusionment or other charm to hide it, rather, the people who had lived here seemed as though they had been happy for Muggles to have known about them.

I used the past tense confidently, judging by the blood.

It was grotesque: fountained up walls and pooled on the flagstones in the entry hall. I turned to Barty, prepared to offer comfort, but his eyes were shining and a smile was ferreting up his face.

'They were enemies of our Lord,' he pronounced. 'And they have paid the price!'

I knew that he must be right, and yet this did not seem like a price that civilised wizards should exact.

We set about our task with no further discussion. It was simple enough: remove all traces of what had happened. The entry hall was the major job, the blast marks of hexes were scattered across the floor, the wall facing us, the back of the doorjamb: they had fought back, had tried to live. Casting cleaning and Reparo charms was the work of some ten minutes, and all signs of their struggle were gone.

We moved inside. A chair was overturned, I picked it up. Teacups were perched on the edge of the side table, their contents cold, milk separating. The back door was open, Barty closed it. On the back hung three macs, two adult, one small and child-sized. I must have made a sound at that, because Barty patted my arm reassuringly.

'They'll have taken the child, of course,' he said. 'Found it somewhere safe, where it can grow up protected and properly.'

'Of course,' I murmured. And I have looked, but I have never found any families who took in these children, for this was not the only one.

Another sweep through the house for fine details and we were done. We left the front door ajar: Muggles or other wizards would see it at some point through the day and come in to check. They would find nothing. They would never know. Whatever these people had considered worth fighting for, dying for, it had been erased with their passing.

I Apparated us back in three stages, rather than two. I was tired inside and out, despite having been up for less than an hour. Even then, I had Barty back at school in time for breakfast. My appetite was gone, so I legged it to the owlery and sent a note to Severus.

His reply came swiftly: it sought to reassure me. Sometimes great causes necessitated actions we would not normally countenance, and while we might mourn the deeds themselves, they were for the greater good, and they could be seen as morally justifiable in their lasting effect if not in themselves. Although he was probably not aware of it, his argument was that of an Italian philosopher in the great age of the city-states: power has its own rules.

I could see his logic, and yet it brought me no comfort. I sent another owl.

Lily was good to her word, she wrote back within the hour and suggested we meet in York for lunch, and that we could choose a wizarding or Muggle establishment depending on how nervous I was about being seen with her. No thought for her own reputation, though given she thought of me as a child that was not surprising.

We met outside York Minster, I had transfigured my robes into a reasonable facsimile of the Muggle clothes she seemed to favour. She was wearing an embroidered dress that looked like something a small girl would choose, but on her it was womanly and appealing. She greeted me with a kiss to my cheek.

'Regulus,' she said. 'I was surprised, but I'm glad you wrote.'

I held the embrace that she had intended to be fleeting. She made to step back, then must have realised I was trembling, because her arms moved around my back and she held me for a long minute.

'Come on,' she said when I finally stepped away. 'I'll buy you all the cake you need.'

We headed down The Shambles and found a quiet tearoom with a case of very decent-looking treats. 'Do you want to talk about it?' she asked as we took our seats.

I shook my head. I did not want to see the change in expression that would come over Lily Evans's face if I told her how I had spent my morning. She would try to be kind, but she would be right to judge me.

'How's Sirius?' I asked instead.

'Well,' she replied. 'You know he bought that motorbike he's been threatening …'

She told me nonsense then, of adventures blazing through London and the south, with one friend or the other riding pillion, of he and Remus, who she made sound like an innocent flatmate. She left out encounters with Death Eaters, though I knew from veiled references in Severus's letters these had occurred. But she was trying to make me smile, and she did.

I ate my cake, and half of hers.

'Do you want to walk?' she asked me when we could fit in no more tea.

'Yes please.'

She took my arm, and I have to admit that I enjoyed having her hold it. People might have looked on us as a couple, and I liked the idea of someone so neat and pretty being thought of in a unit with me. We wandered down the medieval street, and then through the city and up the hill to where the castle had once guarded it.

'See the old keep?' she asked. 'In the twelfth century, one hundred and fifty Jews died there, some by their own hands, some by the mob. Because they were different. Because they threatened those who sought to keep their old ways pure.'

'Lily … ' I sighed. 'It's not the same.'

'Really?' She looked up at me keenly. 'How is it different? Your leader would kill me because my blood is wrong, Regulus. It's exactly the same.'

'Lucius says it's about making sure that the old traditions are upheld, the old families are respected. It's about restoring us to a position of power, rather than hiding, about keeping us safe.'

'And the families who are disappearing? Where are they being kept safe?' She stopped suddenly, and peered keenly at me. 'Regulus? Are you all right?'

'No,' I answered.

'Sit down.' She pulled me down onto the grass beside her, and put an arm around my shoulders. 'It will be all right, you can come home with me. We'll talk to James and Sirius, work something out. You can't have many exams left, and then you can stay with us until you sort yourself out.'

I was tempted, if only because it would doubtless involve more being hugged by Lily Evans. But … 'It's not that simple, Lily. Yes, things have gone wrong, but that's because people have the wrong ideas. I don't think it's what the Dark Lord is really intending, he just wants us to be strong. Lucius explains it well: it's all about history. The Dark Lord wants to put wizarding Britain back where it once was, at the front of the globe, leading, as we ought. Not following and bumbling in an amiably inclusive fashion that every day puts us at risk.'

I spoke more surely, the well-learned phrases falling easily from my lips. 'You don't appreciate the danger Muggles pose. You only see the good side of your family, and I am quite happy to believe they might be very kind and lovely. But they're not all like that. I have ancestors who were racked because they knew to protect themselves from plague and tried to spread the news. Their wands were snatched away by people who they had thought friends, and they were only rescued because there was no Statute in those days and we were free to use our power openly.

'This is what the Dark Lord seeks to protect us from, Lily. All of us, really, though I know that he has made it sound as though he thinks only of Purebloods. But that's the exaggeration of polemic, isn't it? And yes, some people misinterpret that, but if I leave, all that does is make their camp stronger. There are good people who believe in the cause, if our numbers become dominant, so do our methods. Do you see?'

'No,' she said, not letting go of my shoulders. 'But I can wait. All of us will be here for you when you need us.'

'Don't tell Sirius I called …'

'I won't. But promise me you will one day.'

I shook my head. 'I can't promise that. But I would like him to be my brother again, that will have to do.'

'It'll do,' she said, hugging me lightly. 'Just remember, when you find that you are not able to fix things, you have options, and we care for you.'

'I'll remember,' I assured her. 'It will all be fine.'

We stayed on the green hill for a little longer, before she admitted she had places she needed to be that afternoon, and I needed to be seen in Hogsmeade if I wanted to avoid a detention. I felt a little foolish for having called her out, but better for having seen her. And even better that she came when I asked.

'When you leave school, I think it would be safest for you if you lived with your parents, don't you think?' she asked as we walked away from busy areas looking for an Apparition point.

'At first, then I thought I would get my own place. Sirius did, and Father has said he can give me the money.'

She nodded thoughtfully. 'I think perhaps there might be safety in numbers for now. And I know that your parents are powerful enough to protect you if it was ever called for, and you would be there to protect them.'

I stopped walking. 'What are you saying? Why would your lot want to attack my family?'

'We wouldn't,' she said. 'I'm not talking about us.'

We left it at that, and walked the rest of the way in silence. When we parted it was with a gentle hug and friendly kiss to the cheek, but even in that light touch of lips to my face there was something to fear. I had called on Lily Evans because I knew her to be good, and kind, and smart. And what if she was?

++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Lucius came to visit two days after school finished. We dined with my parents, then had Kreacher bring us petit fours in the library while we chatted like the adults we both legally were.

'I heard about Banbury,' he said. 'Messy business.'

'Did Barty tell you?'

Lucius sniffed. 'Bartemius Crouch is a nasty little boy who embraces violence for its own sake. That's why I wanted to talk to you, Regulus. I know that scenes like that must be enormously distasteful to you – to anyone of a refined sensibility. I don't seek to excuse Mulciber, he leads with a curse and it would never occur to him that there are other ways of solving the Dark Lord's problems, but I wanted to reassure you that this was an isolated incident.'

I nodded, and chose a small almond cake to chew on while I thought.

Lucius continued, 'It's one of the difficulties of building a new regime. No matter how hard one tries to make it about advancement and improving our world, there will always be some who see it as a chance for acts of depravity, which they seek to excuse as necessary but which are in fact nothing more than laziness.

'Don't misunderstand me, Regulus, there will come a time when those who stand against the Dark Lord must be put to the choice and it may well be that some will choose their own destruction rather than embracing the natural future of our world. But that will be their own decision, they will have damned themselves by standing against the world that wants to be created. Do you see?'

'We'll give them every chance first,' I ventured.

'Exactly! That's it exactly!' He clapped me on the shoulder, smiling broadly. 'And of course, for those who simply lack the imagination to cope with change, we will offer education and assistance. It will only be those who actively seek to destroy us who may bring on their own destruction.'

'Which will only occur in our self defence.'

'Yes! I knew you would understand.'

'But Lucius … Why does the Dark Lord tolerate it? He knows what Mulciber is like. Even my Cousin Bella … can be disturbing …'

Lucius nodded seriously. 'Fanatics, Regulus. That's the word you are looking for. They have taken our Lord's message and perverted it. They lack the wit and courage to see the creation that is at the heart of his message, revelling only in the destruction of the old order.

'But you are not like them, my young friend. You have broader vision. You can see what we are trying to build and help in that mission.'

'Yes,' I agreed. 'A better world for all. Like the work you have been managing at the Ministry.'

'Precisely. That's why I wanted to talk to you alone. I have a position that it is in my power to grant if you choose to take it up. It's not very senior, and the pay is not stellar, but it is a post of responsibility, and it would be an easy way for a young man to make a good success early in his career.'

'Thank you for thinking of me. What would I be doing?'

'Managing a library.'

'I'll take it,' I said immediately, grinning.

'I thought you would. Now, will I see you at my wedding next month?'

'Yes, of course, the family has already accepted the invitation.'

'And at the wizard's party the weekend before?'

My grin broadened.

'After all, you'll be my cousin soon enough, it is time for you and I to come to know each other properly.'

'Can I ask you a question?'

'Of course.'

'Cousin Bella is just a bit odd, she's always been like that, but she'll behave when she needs to. Mulciber and Dolohov, though, they're vicious. Why does the Dark Lord keep them so close?'

'So he knows exactly where they are,' he answered ruefully. 'More seriously, because our work will not all be pleasant, Regulus. There will be some jobs that men like Mulciber can do without pause, while to you or I they might represent something that would be a deep scar upon us.'

'But surely all that means is that such jobs should not be considered, that they are as beneath our cause as they are beneath us as individuals?'

Lucius nodded at my words. 'I knew you were smart. Ideally, yes. But we do not live in an ideal world. Surely you can see that there are cases in which war is just, and where the liberation of the many is worth the sacrifice of the few?'

'Yes,' I said, 'but surely in those cases we would be talking lives lost in open conflict, which one could wage without compromising one's integrity.'

'And if we could achieve the same goal by small acts of violence? By removing our enemies in the domestic field rather than by escalating our conflict to involve the innocent, and risk the lives of witches and wizards who might otherwise be grateful for the world that we are creating? Don't forget that even the poor dumb Muggles would be put at risk in such a scenario. Do you think that great wars between great forces can be confined to the small sphere we have left to traverse in this nation?'

A veil parted in my mind. 'No, of course, you're right. I can see that, now. War is one of those noble lies, really, isn't it?'

'You understand. Yes, my friend, sometimes the least noble-seeming actions are the most restrained in the long term.'

'Thank you, Lucius.' I passed him the last of the petit fours. 'I feel significantly better for having talked with you.'

'I had hoped that you would. Remember, although things can seem forbidding and beyond your control, you have friends you can turn to, and we have your best interests at heart.'

He pulled a notebook from his robes. 'Now, will I put you down for the hunting and try to keep you – and me – away from anyone who insists we need strippers?'

The Malfoys may not have been quite as old a family as the Blacks, but they most certainly knew how to do things properly.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Lucius was good to his word, and I started work at the Ministry library two weeks later. It was a huge space, with one ancient witch who was the official librarian, but who had long since decided that the best method of management was to discourage any lending and to spend her days reading and napping.

My tasks were to check the sorting on the shelves, to respond to any requests for research that came in – ideally by denying them – and to make her at least three cups of tea a day.

The week after I began work was Lucius's party to bid farewell to his single life, so I knocked off early on Friday, went home to grab my broom and bag and made it to Wiltshire just in time to wash and dress for dinner.

There were more people there than I had expected. I knew Lucius was close to Evan Rosier and Augustus Rookwood, and I was pleased he had invited Severus – he was often left out of the more serious social occasions – clearly Lucius prized friendship above rank. Obviously the Lestranges would be there, and Avery, who Lucius worked with. But among the others were Dolohov and Mulciber, which made no sense to me.

Dinner was a magnificent affair, I sat with Severus and Benjamin Greengrass and we discussed the next day's hunt and the revelry that was planned to follow. Sunday had nothing scheduled until well into the afternoon, but as Greengrass noted, the three of us did not really drink, and so we would probably be able to get a good fly in, or even a scratch Quidditch game if we could rope in a few more players.

Mr Malfoy gave a speech about Lucius, and how proud he was of him. Lucius responded with one praising his parents and thanking them for the upbringing they had given him, making sure he would be seen as worthy of his beautiful bride. He said some highly complimentary things about my family, which I guessed I was supposed to repeat to my Aunt and Uncle at an advantageous moment, and had us all raise our glasses to 'A better future'.

Of those at the table, fully two thirds had a very clear idea of what that future should entail, the remainder would have pleaded ignorance of our affiliations. Yet I knew that the world we were creating would be one that they would favour in the end, they just did not want to know what would go into creating it. I could understand that: given what I knew now, I was no longer certain I would have chosen to as I did when I was asked. But I had been so proud back then …

After the meal we broke into groups: the oldest joined Lucius and Mr Malfoy for port and cigars in the library, some, including Greengrass, stayed at the table discussing politics, while Severus beckoned me to follow him and Avery outside. Rosier and the Lestranges were there, talking quietly among themselves.

'Did you bring your mask and robes?' Rosier asked me as we joined the group.

'Of course.' We had been instructed to keep them always with us when they were given us: to be ever ready for service in the name of our Lord.

'Bring them and your broom, assemble at the conservatory door in a quarter hour. We have a little job to do.'

I slipped back inside and gathered the necessary items as swiftly as possible. This was work I did not mind: making a show of force, reminding our people of what they had lost, and giving them foreknowledge of what was to come. I was the first at the rendezvous point, hood and mask in hand.

'Well met, Black,' Rosier greeted me as he came out from the manor. The others followed shortly. 'We fly in close formation,' Rosier explained. 'There is a fête nearby at which our friends and enemies will both be found. We seek only to give heart to the former and confound the latter. Keep your wands sheathed, gentlemen, unless we come under attack. Then aim your hexes well and do not hesitate. Are we of one mind?'

'And of one will!' we gave the rote answer.

Rosier took the point in flight, the Lestranges behind him and Severus, Avery and I at the rear, with me between them, since I was the youngest and newest. It was not considered a point of weakness to be protected, rather that we valued our young. Soon Barty would be old enough to join us on missions like this one, and I would take an outer flank.

The flight was not far, and, as Rosier had promised, the fête below was filled by as many of those who loved us as who feared us. As we roared above their heads, golden masks shining and charmed contrails spinning out of the night's mist behind us, many faces saw the beauty of our might, and I knew they longed for a day when each of us could so openly show our strength and talent.

Of course, others took to their heels in fright, and I could not help but laugh at the sight of witches and wizards who had not run since their Hogwarts days attempting to sprint across the uneven fields. Baskets were dropped and stalls deserted as they dashed, some then remembering that they could Apparate and doing so, others continuing their wild flight, in one case accompanied by wailing and arm waving. I looked across at Severus, and although his face was hidden by his mask, I could see his shoulders shaking with laughter.

Two sweeps were enough for us, we turned and made our way back to the manor before Aurors or the Order could be called upon. A good and easy night's work.

On our return I had only time to change back into formal robes and put away my kit before Lucius came to knock at my door.

He nodded at the flush in my cheeks and tangles still in my hair. 'I see Rosier included you in this evening's diversion.'

I nodded. 'I hope you don't mind. He promised it would not take long, and you all seemed settled in for a good while. I was just coming down to rejoin the party now.'

Lucius smiled and took his wand from his belt. 'Here,' he said with a small flick. 'It would never do to greet the Dark Lord with your hair like that.'

It was as well he neatened my appearance, as I was too startled to do so. 'The Dark Lord? Here?'

'Indeed, Regulus, and asking to meet with you. It is a great honour, it would not do to keep him waiting.'

'Should I …'

Lucius put an arm about my shoulders and steered me out through the door. 'Come with me as you are and worry not? Indeed, my young friend, you should.'

He guided me down a quiet wing of the manor, along stone-floored corridors. This was one of the oldest parts of the building, a private place that I had never been invited to before. The door that Lucius opened was thick and ancient, and the study beyond it was timber-panelled and dark, but I noticed it for no more than an instant, because there, in a leather chair like a throne, was the Dark Lord himself.

I had never been so close to him. Truly, he looked like a work of great art, finely carved from the whitest marvel. Black eyes shone from his smooth pale face beneath a wave of dark hair, and a line of pale rose curved as his lips moved into a smile.

'Regulus Black. Rosier here tells me you have done sterling work in my name.'

I looked about. Rosier stood there in the shadows, nodding agreement.

'Come,' said our Lord. 'Sit with me. You, too, Malfoy and Rosier.'

We did as we were bade, and he poured us small glasses of liquor from a bottle that bore a faded Malfoy crest. Oddly, I had a moment of fear as his hand went to the bottle, but that crest reassured me.

'Our time comes, gentlemen,' said the Dark Lord. 'I wanted a moment with all of you here to give you my thanks. You are young men, and could choose any path in life. That you have chosen to walk mine is a great honour.'

Much later, it occurred to me that he did not say for whom.

He went on. 'I know that there are many days on which it must seem that we are an organisation of ancients to you: even Rosier here is a fifteen years your senior, Malfoy, and older still than you, Black. Yet he was just your age when he joined me, full of passion and purpose as you are now. Swiftly he rose in my trust, as you have Malfoy, and as I hope you will, Black.'

'Of course,' I whispered.

'He knew, then, as I hope you know, now, that I work for our future. That you might all take your places beside me in the decades to come, and that your children might do likewise. At the head of this world, not hiding in its shadows. Do you see, Black?'

'I see,' I murmured.

'And for this to come about, from time to time I will call on you, that you may further our great works and that you may bring about the time of transformation sooner. And though you may not always understand my requests, I can assure you, they will be for glory and honour, young Regulus. Such glory and honour that your name will be lauded until the last days.'

I had fallen into his eyes as he spoke, and his will wrapped about me like incense, sweet and inescapable. 'Anything,' I promised, meaning the word wholeheartedly. 'My life …'

He smiled then, and seemed as a normal man for a moment. 'Nothing so drastic, my young friend! But perhaps a small favour.'

'Name it!'

'In your library, there are many books, some of which contain words that are not for the unready. For our protection, it would be best if such things were hidden from lesser minds, do you not agree?'

'Yes, of course.'

'Then I will have a list made, and when you find such titles, you could send them away for protection. Perhaps to Lucius, his library is a safe place, and with such chaotic arrangement that one could search there for weeks and not find a tome unless one knew where to look.'

'Intentionally so, my Lord,' Lucius interjected hurriedly.

'Indeed. Then it is settled. Now, I have detained you from your celebrations far too long, Lucius. Take young Master Black with you. I have a few words for Rosier before I take my leave.'

We left the room quickly, and stepping outside was like waking from a hex. Things seemed suddenly more solid and I felt less sure.

Lucius grabbed my arm. 'You have outdone yourself, Regulus!'

'I have?'

'Your parents will be thrilled.'

'Yes, of course.' I supposed that he was at least half right there.

Lucius was greeted with an open bottle of wine as he entered the library. I stayed at the side of the party, wanting time to think. Severus sought me out some little time later. 'Can we speak?' he asked, in low and urgent tones.

I followed him outside, and we found a quiet corner of the manor, distant from any voices.

'Did you see him?'

I didn't follow him. 'See who?'

'The Dark Lord!'

'Oh …'

'In your face, I saw the awe he inspires.'

'Yes …'

Severus's eyes shone, and he rolled up his sleeve. 'He has done me great honour, Regulus!' There on his left wrist was a black skull, with a snake protruding between its fleshless jaws.

I looked up at Severus sharply. His face was full of pride.

'It is a reward, Regulus. He has seen that I have no hesitation in following, and marked me as his own!'

'Well done,' I managed. 'You deserve his trust. We should get back, before they wonder where we are.'

And although he looked as though he would rather go on, I turned and walked back towards the library. Because I did not want to hear what he had to say, nor if it had anything to do with a small house in Banbury.


	2. Chapter 2

Lily Evans appeared at the Ministry library at the beginning of July. Her hair was loose and tangled, and her cheeks were flushed and her eyes wild. I dropped the book I was holding.

'Sirius is unhurt,' she said quickly. 'Someone, I think it was Lucius Malfoy, tried to hex him, but your brother was too fast, he's fine. But I think James may have killed Severus.'

My mouth opened, but no sound left it.

'It was all so fast,' she went on helplessly. 'He only hit Sev with a Stunner, but it was such a long fall. I tried to see if he was all right, but other Death Eaters drove me back, and then they were howling with rage and we had to fight so seriously, and then they were gone …' she paused to draw in a long breath that was almost a sob.

'Regulus, I just need to know …'

'I'll find out,' I promised.

She hugged me quickly. 'I'll be at the tea room in York. I'll visit Arthur and Gideon now, make it look as though I have come here to talk to them. I'm sure no one saw me come in here, and I'll make sure no one sees me leave.'

'I'll … yes, all right,' I said to empty air.

It was easier promised than done. I had no knowledge of any action today, nor last night, and so could hardly Apparate to Spinner's End demanding to know if Severus was wounded or worse.

For a full quarter hour, I was at a loss, then the obvious solution occurred to me. I had found two of the books on the list the Dark Lord had given me, but had put them to one side in hopes of finding more before making my delivery. There was no need to wait, though, they could as easily be given to Lucius now as later. I filled out de-accession forms for both of them, left a note explaining there was a family emergency for the librarian, should she wake before the end of the day, and went upstairs to Malfoy's office.

Fate was with me. He had only just returned ahead of me and was still taking off his cloak as I knocked on his door. He hurried me in and shut the door behind me. 'Thank Merlin you're here!' he said.

'I have books …' I explained.

'Books, yes, good work. But not perhaps the most important thing right now. How is your healing work? How good are you at Potions?'

'Good, and I scored an O in my NEWTs.'

Relief crossed his face. 'Good. Right. In that case,' he handed me a satchel and small silver urn, 'I want you to take these potions and this Portkey and go straight to the manor. There's been a little accident this morning and Severus has been a bit banged up.'

'Is he all right? Why doesn't he go to St Mungo's?'

'His injuries would be hard to explain. But not as difficult as all that to treat, it looked like mostly broken bones, he was lucid and complaining when I left him.'

'I'll go, then.'

Lucius smiled gratefully at me. 'I'll make my excuses here and follow shortly. The Portkey will take you directly to Severus. My parents are at the manor, but have been instructed to stay clear of my rooms. Narcissa is with him, she is keeping him calm and will help you if you need it. The house-elves will keep everyone else away, but the Portkey will allow you through, they will know it comes from me.'

I put the strap of the satchel across my body and picked up the urn. 'When will it activate?'

Before he could answer, I was gone.

I stumbled to a halt in one of the newer parts of Malfoy Manor. A door opened at the sound of my feet, and my cousin Narcissa appeared. She looked as blonde and pretty as she had at her recent wedding, but her forehead was creased and her eyes darted quickly to find me.

'Lucius sent me,' I announced, holding up the urn.

'Oh thank goodness. Come Regulus, he's in the most awful pain.'

I followed her into the bedroom. Severus was propped up on the large bed, his face grey and drawn, his leg bent at an unnatural angle. Blood had seeped through his robes onto the white comforter below, and he held his left arm cradled against his chest.

'I've given him dittany, but I had no idea what else I could do without possibly making things worse,' Narcissa said quietly. 'I have made his leg immobile, and cast a cooling charm on it, because I remember Professor Slughorn used to always give us icepacks when we fell, but everything else is beyond me.'

'You did the right things,' I assured her. 'Can you find me a house-elf, a bottle of good Firewhisky, and plenty of water?'

'Yes, of course.' She bustled from the room, though she could have accomplished all of the above with a single call. I could tell she wanted to leave, though, and so could Severus.

'Narcissa has tried to be kind,' he muttered. 'But I think she is mostly afraid that I would die before anyone else arrived.'

'You're not going to die,' I said, swinging the satchel from my shoulder as I strode over to him. 'You might wish you had before I'm done, though. Honestly, Severus, you're a fool. Go to St Mungo's.'

'And tell them what? That I fell from my broom while wearing a hooded robe?'

'They're Healers, not Aurors, they don't care. And yes, tell them you fell off the roof if it comes to that. They are fully equipped to do things I can only try.'

'I'd rather you.'

'Then you're a fool.'

But I took out my wand and began to cast the spells that would reveal his injuries to me. He was remarkably lucky. Although four ribs had cracked, none had broken, and his internal injuries were not significant. His leg, however, was in bad shape, as was his arm, and his pelvis was broken, though not displaced.

A gash across his midriff was responsible for most of the blood, I incanted ' _Vulnera Sanentur_ ' three times, then moved to the ribs, which were repaired with a simple Episkey. The pelvis was not difficult to fix, but I would need assistance with the leg and arm.

'You're helping,' Severus said, attempting a smile.

It was not a gesture he excelled at on his best days.

I ferreted through the satchel Lucius had given me. It was well stocked, and the vials I was looking for were all there. 'Asphodel,' I said, picking one out. 'There will be enormous pain when I straighten the bones, I am going to put you to sleep first.'

'There is no need.'

'Stop being an idiot, Severus. Aside from everything else, you're bigger than I am. Do you really think Narcissa and I can hold you down if you fight us in your pain? Her immobilising spell will have to be lifted for us to set your leg. You will do as you are told.'

I pulled a mixing vial from the satchel and decanted several drops of Asphodel into it. To this I added ten grains of tincture of Murtlap, and stirred it with the glass rod Lucius had provided. Silver would have been better, but I was not even wearing jewellery that could have been pressed into service. Too late, I remembered Narcissa, but a splash of valerian syrup added the calming influence the silver would have granted. I shook the vial, then sat gently on the side of the bed.

'When Narcissa comes back, we're going to prop you up and have you drink this. It'll hurt like buggery, but only for a few moments. Then by the time you know what's what, you'll be mostly well again.'

'Thank you, Regulus.'

'Thank Lucius, he's the one with the good Potions kit.'

'It was Potter, you know,' he said without preamble.

'What?'

'He tried to kill me. In front of Lily. But she screamed my name, Regulus! I believe she still cares for me!' His eyes and voice were triumphant.

'Of course she does,' I said without thinking. He looked at me sharply then, and I covered my words hastily. 'I had friends in Ravenclaw, remember. They would ask after you on her behalf. You may have stopped being friends, she may have married Potter, but I think there is still a place for you in her heart.'

He smiled. 'Perhaps she has seen the truth of what is in his heart today.'

'Perhaps.' My voice lacked the conviction of his.

Narcissa appeared then, with Lucius following close.

'How is he?'

'Better than he looks,' I reported. 'I'll need your help with getting him up and straightening his leg, but he will be fine.'

'Good work, Regulus!' Lucius sat on the opposite side of the bed, with equal care to my own. 'You worried me, my friend,' he told Severus.

'I am fine,' Severus lied.

'No you're not, but Regulus will fix you,' Lucius corrected him. 'Now?' he asked me.

'Now.'

The two of us lifted Severus into a half-sitting position. He gasped, and sweat broke out in beads across his face, but he did not cry out. Knowing what I did of his injuries, I could appreciate his courage. I lifted the vial to his lips quickly. 'Drink!' I ordered, and he did.

Narcissa took our place supporting him, and lifted the spell she had cast to still his leg. Lucius held Severus's thigh, while I grasped his ankle and pulled gently until the bones were straight and flush against each other again. I held them there with my left arm, and completed the spellwork to knit them in place with my right, before moving on to repeat the process with his arm. All the work of two minutes, yet at the end of it I was shaking with fatigue.

'Let him lie down,' I instructed. 'Give him a few hours to sleep, then wake him and give him ten grains of Blood-Replenishing Potion in a splash of Firewhisky.'

'Of course,' Narcissa promised. 'But, what should I do with the water and the house-elf?'

'His wounds need cleaning. And if he could have clean robes to sleep in?'

'He shall have my own,' Lucius promised, as Narcissa set about warming the water to a good temperature and gathering the softest towels and cloths she could find.

'Thank you, Regulus, your work will not go unreported.'

I shrugged. 'He's my friend, too.'

'Come, let us feed you at least.'

Food – Lily was in a tearoom. 'No, I have to go, I have an appointment. I'll replenish your kit, Lucius, drop it back to you tomorrow.'

'No, keep it, it's a gift!' he insisted.

I gave my thanks and made my goodbyes as quickly as could be done without giving offence. Even then, Lily had three empty teapots in front of her when I finally made it to York.

She leapt to her feet as I stumbled in – my legs felt strange in the trousers I wore for her sake. 'He's all right,' I reassured her as I tried to untangle my feet, and then she nearly knocked me over again as she came running into my arms and held me so tightly that I could feel the buttons of her blouse pressing into my chest.

It was not unpleasant.

The tearoom proprietress coughed meaningly beside the two of us.

'A friend of ours was badly hurt, we've just found out he's going to be all right,' I explained.

'Very pleased to hear it, I'm sure,' she muttered. 'Tea? Cake?'

I could have gone to cake, but Lily shook her head. 'Oh let's go outside, I need to walk!'

She paid the sour-faced owner, whose expression improved somewhat when Lily left the change, then grabbed my arm and dragged me out onto the street. She steered me towards Coppergate, stopping outside the first clean-looking public house we saw.

'Hold these!' she said, loading me down with her bag and jacket before running inside.

I sat at one of the outside tables and waited. Muggles walked by, chatting. Two sat down at the table beside mine while their friend went inside.

'You just watch, the milk snatcher will run this country into the ground!' said one.

'Rubbish!' said his friend. 'She's the only hope for the future we have. If Britain is going to survive, it will be because of her having the strength of her convictions!'

'You're full of shit. Wait and see, bankers and wankers will come out of it well, the rest of us are fucked. What you looking at?'

I realised that the last was aimed at me. 'Nothing, I'm just waiting.'

'Yeah? Well you can wait somewhere else, can't you?'

'No, my friend's inside …'

The other man shook his head. 'Leave it, Tom, the lad's not doing any harm.'

Lily reappeared then, chatting to me as she walked out: 'Thank goodness! _Far_ too much tea!'

She noticed the tension, and turned to the other table, smiling broadly, before coming to me and looping her arm around mine. 'Come on dear, we're running late.'

'Is that your friend?' the placating man asked.

I nodded.

'Good work, lad. See, Tom, a few manners work wonders with pretty young ladies. Have a good walk, you two.'

We were well on our way towards the river by then, but I nodded back at him.

'Making friends with Muggles?' Lily asked me with a smile.

'Actually, I think I would have had to hex one of them if you hadn't come back then.'

'Sorry about that, there's only so much tea a witch can hold. So, tell me about Severus. Is he in one piece?'

I gave a quick run-down of his injuries, and assured her he was being treated and cared for well. 'He knows you were there,' I added. 'He heard your voice.'

'Yet he kept on attacking our side,' she said, grimly.

I dropped her arm. 'Yes, well. Your husband did try to kill him.'

'As if we can tell any of you apart with those ridiculous masks.'

'That's hardly the point, is it?'

'Regulus.' She had stopped walking a few feet before. I turned around to face her. 'Did he tell you why we were fighting him?'

'No,' I admitted.

'Right. Well, you ask him. And more to the point, you think for a moment about what it would take to have me go in with my wand drawn against a group that I knew might contain him, or you.'

I looked down at the ground, unable to reply because I knew exactly what it would take.

'Right, well, I'll take my bag and jacket then.' She was cross.

'Tell me about Sirius,' I said, wanting to keep her with me until her anger passed.

She pursed her lips, and took her bag, but left me her jacket. We began to walk again.

'He's fast,' she said. 'They try to hex him, but he's never where they aim. Of all of us, I think he and Remus have the best chance of surviving this, they're actually good at war. Remus would never admit it, but he's as good at escaping and committing violence as your brother is.'

I shook my head. 'Sirius isn't good at violence. He's good at anger, but that's not the same thing.'

'When pushed, it turns out we can all be good at things we didn't expect to be.'

'Lily …'

'I don't understand? It's not what I think?' Sarcasm did not suit her voice.

I had many lines memorised for use in arguments like this, but they had all come from other mouths. And they failed against the evidence of my eyes at Banbury. So I spoke my own words. 'I think that we have problems with some of the people who fight for our cause, yes. And I think that we are spending too much time focussing on the fight itself and not enough on the actual cause, nor other ways of promoting it. But … we are shouted down in the Wizengamot and mocked in the papers when we try to put our case. What other avenues are left?'

'Patience?'

Not another word was exchanged until we reached the river.

'Do you go out with them?' she asked suddenly.

'Not for anything serious. A few times to fly around and look menacing.'

She gripped my arm tightly. 'Do you wear one of those stupid masks? How will I know it's you? What if I hurt you, Regulus? What if Sirius did?'

'It would be my own fault for being there.'

'Then don't be there!' She glared at me for a long minute, then looked down at her hand on my arm, and saw the bruises forming beneath it. 'Oh God …'

'It's all right.' I caught her hand as she went to snatch it back. 'It's all right, it doesn't hurt. You're upset.'

'Of course I am – Severus could have died! And one day they'll decide that you should go out to serious things, and then I might be aiming hexes at you and I'll never know. So I'll always be that little bit slower, worrying about the two of you, and that means that one day someone will kill me instead.'

'No!'

'Why not? I'm a Mudblood, Regulus. That alone is reason enough for some of your lot to want me dead.'

'It shouldn't be like that.'

'No, but it is.'

Her eyes were fixed on mine, and blazing in her white face. I grasped about for something else to discuss.

'Severus heard you calling out for him. It made him happy, he cares about you very deeply.'

That made her blink. Too many times. I saw tears start to form. There was a bench nearby, looking out over the water, and I steered her there.

'I'm sorry,' I said.

She pushed her hair back behind her shoulders, fussing to cover up as she brushed her eyes with her cuffs. 'It shouldn't matter to me,' she said. 'But it does. It always will. He was the first friend I ever had in our world, and every day I feel as though I failed him.'

'You didn't fail him.'

'You can't know that.'

'I can. I remember what you were like at school, and what he was like, too. Everybody heard about what he called you that day, and even after that, you still looked for him over meals, you still kept Sirius and Potter away from him as much as you could. You never failed him, Lily. He failed you.'

She sniffed, unconvinced. Then she looked up at me. 'How do you know I looked for him at meals?'

Damn.

'You were very noticeable at school,' I confessed. 'You've got red hair, and you kept punching Potter and giving Sirius detentions. I wasn't the only one watching you!'

That made her laugh, and for the first time that day, we relaxed.

'So what are you doing in the library?' she asked.

'Tidying up, reshelving, stopping people from borrowing anything.'

'The traditional.' She smiled, and looked down, noticing for the first time that I was still holding her hand. She squeezed it firmly. 'Couldn't you just stay in your library for the duration? Stay safe?'

'Lily …'

'All right, I'll stop. I should get back soon, anyway. James will be wondering where I've got to.'

'What will you tell him?'

'Shopping, girl stuff. He doesn't worry until it passes four hours without me checking in. He knows I don't trust anyone enough to be caught easily.'

'Except me,' I realised.

'Except you,' she agreed.

'I've not told anyone,' I assured her. 'Not even Severus. I never will.'

'I know. You're so much like your brother. Your parents raised you to be pigheaded and a little bit bastardish, but loyal to the very end.' She let go of my hand and stood up. 'I really should go, though.'

'Take care, Lily. Thank you for letting me know today.'

'Thank you for helping him.'

I remembered something. 'You know how you always try to make it sound as though Remus is just Sirius's flatmate?'

She looked evasive.

'Sirius used to bring Remus over for visits in the holidays. I knew about them before you did.'

'Right.' And now her look was the one my parents had worn when they realised I would go and look up all the words they used euphemistically at table. 'Well, things are going well for them, then.'

'Good to know.'

'Stay safe.' She kissed my cheek lightly, glanced about to check we were unobserved, then Apparated away.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

The second half of summer was relentlessly hot. I told myself that this was the reason I avoided the close and confined wizarding areas of London: so I could take to the countryside and riverbanks and find what breezes there were. At night I went flying, safe and alone. A few times I even charmed my robes and went where the Muggles did.

I saw Lily in Muggle London twice, in the distance, with her husband and Sirius and Remus. Once Remus saw me. He waved surreptitiously, and I waved back. He grinned at that, and I couldn't help smiling. One thing I knew that the Dark Lord and even my parents were wrong on was the subject of half-breeds. Most, like Remus, were no different to the rest of us the vast majority of the time

July closed with Severus recovered, and no further incidents of note. My birthday was the first Friday of August, and among the other gifts was a small box of fairy cakes with a note saying 'From L'. I ate them slowly, and kept the box and note.

Very, very briefly, I allowed myself to pretend that things were settling down. Since Severus had been wounded, both Lucius and Rosier had managed small but significant successes at the Ministry. Perhaps things were shifting, to be more the way they ought to have been from the start.

Perhaps I was just hiding.

Either way, I was sitting in St James's Park on a hot afternoon, watching geese perform feats of formation paddling. I was growing used to the cacophony of Muggle traffic and the music boxes that many of them carried about. It was quiet for a Saturday, the park was not terribly busy, so I was able to enjoy my patch of grass unmolested by anything more than opportunistic squirrels.

A tall black woman in a short canary yellow dress, with the most astonishing legs I had ever seen, came and sat down beside me, smiling.

I blinked, nodded politely, then went back to staring at the geese.

'See, Regulus,' she said. 'This is how you can be that pretty and still not have a girlfriend. Or boyfriend, if it runs in the family.'

'Lily?!' Although the voice belonged to the same woman as the body, the intonation was entirely Evans. She grinned cheerfully at me.

'Things are a bit tense round our way, but I haven't heard from you since your birthday, so my friend Liza suggested I slug down a spot of Polyjuice and set out to find you.'

'How did you know where to look?'

'We do have spies, Regulus. Junior Death Eaters swanning about in Royal Parks attract some degree of attention.'

I looked about anxiously. She patted my arm. 'We decided you were just hanging out after the fifth or sixth time you eschewed evil in favour of feeding squirrels.'

I bit down on a laugh. 'It's not "in favour", they gang up on you if you're not careful and it's either share your lunch or see what they plan to do when snuffly cuteness fails to work. I'm reasonably sure they have evil intentions.'

Lily laughed at that, and even though it was a half-octave deeper than usual, it was good to hear.

I remembered my manners. 'Thanks for my present, it was delicious.'

'I thought you'd send a note to let me know you got it.'

'I should have, but the whole "Dear Mrs Potter, sincerely, your Death Eater friend" conundrum defeated me.'

'Fair enough. So. Sitting in parks?'

'Yup.'

'That's good. You're reasonably safe, sitting in a park. Aside from the squirrels, of course.' She winked at me then, I blushed and looked away. 'Regulus?' she asked with a laugh.

'Sorry, it's just that you look …'

'Ah. Sorry. I keep forgetting just how gorgeous Liza is. She made me wear one of her frocks, too.'

'It's quite a frock!'

'She's French. I'll behave. So, you're well?'

'Reasonably.'

'Thought any more about what you're doing with yourself?'

'Things are quiet, they're working through the Ministry can we just leave it at that?'

Lily shook her head. 'I know that's how you want it to be, but they're not quiet, Regulus. They might be for you, but we've been fending off targeted attacks all through summer. I think they've just found a few people who are willing to focus on violence, and are keeping the rest of you in reserve.'

'Attacks? Have you …'

'We're fine. They've been on families associated with the Wizengamot, for the most part.'

My eyes widened. 'Families of members likely to vote against reforms?'

She nodded. My shoulders slumped. So much for my hopes of political engagement.

Lily took pity on me and changed the subject. 'How's the library?'

'Good. Predictable and dull. Madam Jones was talking about promoting me, though that's probably more to do with the fact I conjure up a good cup of tea than anything else.'

'Good. I like knowing you're there. If things go horribly wrong, there are very thick doors.'

'Lily …'

'I'm allowed to worry about my friends. Even the stupid ones.'

And I couldn't argue with that.

'Listen,' she said, more quietly. 'Something's coming up. There's been increased traffic from Albania and Bulgaria, and we know Voldemort has people in both countries. And those attacks? They're getting weirder. People used to just disappear, now we're finding houses crushed, or torn apart.'

I nodded, but did not speak.

She went on. 'Just keep your head down, yeah? Find excuses. None of us can afford to check who we're aiming at before we throw a hex anymore. It's past that, now.'

'I will, if I can,' I promised.

'Good.' She took my hand and squeezed it. 'That's good.'

A voice sang out near us. 'After a bit of brown sugar, son? Make sure she finishes the job before you pay her.'

Three Muggle men with very short hair, tight shirts, blue trousers and long, laced boots were standing a little way off, sneering at us.

'Piss off,' said Lily, more direct than eloquent.

'Go back to where you came from!' said one of the others.

'You know that Africans came over with the Romans, right?' Lily asked, as though talking to an idiot child. They ignored her.

'When you've finished sucking his cock, you can suck on mine,' their leader offered.

'Sadly, I've left my glasses at home,' Lily riposted.

'Fuck you, bitch.' He stepped towards us, his friends following.

I was on my feet in an instant, reaching for my wand. Nearby, other park dwellers were looking on, concerned, and behind the men I could see two Horse Guards making their way to us.

All of us were slower than Lily.

'Ow!' cried the cock-offering man. A goose had waddled over and bitten him on the back of the thigh. 'Ow! What the fuck do you think you're playing at?' He waved his arms at the bird, and stopped as the bird opened out its wings and stabbed forward with its beak.

The man jumped back out of range, but there was another goose closing in on him from that direction. His mates had begun to laugh at the first peck, but quickly realised that they, too were under attack. The entire formation of geese that I had earlier seen on the water were now closing rapidly in.

The Horse Guards arrived then, uniforms gleaming, and the young men fled. Lily got to her feet as decorously as was possible in that dress, and smiled at me.

'You two all right?' one of the Guards asked.

'We're fine, thank you,' Lily replied. 'It was very good of you to come over.'

The Guards both gave their best Dealing With the Public smiles. 'Didn't like the look of those skinheads,' confided the one who had spoken earlier. 'As it turned out, you had ample assistance from the local fauna. They must like you to come out like that.'

Lily laughed. 'It's true, I am the Barbara Woodhouse of geese.'

'They're protective, geese,' said the other Guard. 'We have them at my parents' farm. They won't let anything hurt anyone they consider theirs, so you two should take that as a compliment. Keep up sharing your crusts.'

'Will do. Thanks again.'

'You're right, love.'

They resumed their walk towards the Palace, and Lily turned back to me. She took my hand again, and patted the back of it. 'You're shaking,' she said.

'How _dare_ they? How dare they even speak to you? And like that!'

'It's all right,' she said. 'Well, it's not, but they're just twats. And look how many people were keen to help.'

She was right, even the middle-aged couple down towards the water had been getting up from their picnic blanket to do something before the geese arrived. But … 'They're vile, piglike creatures, Lily. Why do you defend them?'

'Because we're humans, Regulus. We defend when called upon, and hope that others will defend us when we need them.'

'I'd rather rely on magic.'

She smiled placatingly. 'I'll admit, it does make things easier.'

'In a properly regulated world, this wouldn't happen.'

'That's true, but then, who decides what's proper? You just end up with a whole new set of problems.'

But I had stopped listening by then. I nodded and smiled while she finished talking, then hugged her good bye and kissed her cheek, but all the while I was thinking about my anger, and about how right it was. Which is why, three days later, when I sat in a poorly lit room at Avery's house and the Dark Lord said 'And for this I will need a house-elf, who here will provide me with one?' … I raised my hand.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Kreacher came back to me. Burning and groaning and near to death. Dripping water, and with livid marks of hands about his arms and throat, he appeared in my room and he tried to tell me that he had done my bidding and done it well.

And Merlin save me, he had.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

I nursed Kreacher for the rest of the week. Madam Jones accepted my owl pleading a family emergency and told me to take all the time I needed, she would cover for me in my absence. Since this meant she would take longer naps, and perhaps read further in her current Great Witches and Wizards of the 12th Century research, I didn't worry.

Mother was suspicious, but believed my story that I had accidentally poisoned her best elf through careless Potioneering. Father threatened to make me wash the dishes in Kreacher's stead, but the other elves would not hear of such a thing and threatened to iron their ears if I stepped foot in the kitchen.

Kreacher himself was appalled that I should take care of him, but I convinced him he was helping me research poison cures, so he swallowed his draughts willingly, and even allowed me to nest him in a box in my room so that I could keep him under closer observation.

'Master Regulus is happy with Kreacher?' he asked me many times that week.

'Tremendously so, you couldn't have done better,' I reassured him.

'Master Regulus does not seem happy.'

Master Regulus found it hard to feign happiness when the full extent of his idiocy was opening out before him.

I returned to work the following Monday. Made Madam Jones a large pot of tea, added a good dash of Dreamless Sleep Potion to it, then set about my work.

Happily, I had been slow in handing books on to Lucius, and a large pile had accrued. I sat down with my quill and scroll and started to read my way through them, making notes as I went. It was slow work: half the books were tedious records, the other half obscure tomes of Dark Magic. Not until after four did I find something that made me catch my breath. It was in a ledger of births and deaths for 1926. On the last page, one entry stood out, most of the way towards the bottom.

 _Tom Marvolo Riddle, born 11.43pm, December 31, 1926. Mother: Merope Riddle, nee Gaunt (deceased), Father: Tom Riddle (Muggle)_

I remembered Lily's words. And now I knew what had happened to Tom Riddle, for I was always fast at anagrams, and when I rearranged those letters, a frightening truth appeared to me.

It could have been coincidence, but as I skipped forward in the records, proof after proof was added. The boy was enrolled in Hogwarts, he was a Slytherin Prefect, who brought great honour on himself in a time of trouble. He was Head Boy, and loved by his teachers. Of his family, there was no mention, merely that he was an orphan who had brought great distinction upon himself and seemed marked for greatness. In every case, the time was an exact fit.

No wonder the Dark Lord wished these books hidden.

I made Madam Jones a fresh pot of unadulterated tea, and added a few cakes out of guilt, then woke her.

'What will you think of me dozing like that today?' she asked, a little upset with herself.

'Not at all!' I said quickly. 'The library has been close and stuffy the whole day, I nearly dozed off several times myself. I think there is something wrong with the air in the building. And you have been doing all of my work as well as your own for all last week, no wonder you're tired.'

'It _is_ terribly warm in here.'

'Do you think, too, that you might be coming down with something? You look a little pale. Would it hurt for you to spend a day or two at home? After all, I could cover for you. It would make me feel as though I was repaying you for your kindness last week.' I was not proud of my lies, but she was old, and it would keep her out of harm's way if I were discovered.

'Do you think? I so rarely take time away, there is so much to be done, after all, but if you think you could manage by yourself, I could do with a little rest. Just to feel on top of things again.'

'Of course! There's no need to even ask. In fact, I know it's awful cheek for me to suggest it, but would you prefer it if I pretended you were in so that you don't have to go through the dreadful rigmarole of applying for leave?'

'Oh young Mr Black, you are a terror!' she said, waving a finger cheekily at me. 'But do you know, it might be the difference between me and that awful Mr Olfsen in Records receiving the service bonus for this year. Would you mind awfully?'

I smiled broadly. 'Not at all! After all the help you've given me, it would be a genuine pleasure on my part.'

'Oh you're a good boy. Well, in that case, I might make it an early night. Now you'll need my keys, and if the Minister asks for anything impossible, just tell him you'll need a dozen research assistants to pull it together, that usually dissuades him. Is there anything else, dear? No? Well, here you go, then, the keys are all labelled, make sure you lock up of an evening.'

I helped her gather her belongings, and shrank a selection of books for her to take home and read while she rested, then saw her to the lift.

'Your mother must be very proud of you,' she said, as she walked into it.

'You just take care of yourself,' I urged.

But I have to say, my mother would probably be anything but proud of my work right then.

I stayed at work late that night, and the next. By the time Madam Jones came back, I had two long, cross-referenced scrolls. One was an elaborate family tree for Tom Marvolo Riddle. He had, at least, been telling the truth when he called himself an heir of Slytherin, but in little else.

The other was a monstrous list of the Dark Spells that the other books had contained. I had checked them one against the other, time and again, and patterns in the spellcraft had emerged: How to Make the Body to Fly; How to Make the Body Impermeable; How to Create New Flesh that Might Be Governed; How to Ensure that Death Be Not Death.

I hid most of the books again, deep within the library. I gave Lucius the customary small pile, and told him again how much work there was in searching for them.

He smiled broadly at me, and told me that it mattered not, my star was in firm ascendency regardless of how long it took to fulfil this mission.

'Lucius, are you positioning yourself to succeed the Dark Lord?' I asked directly.

He frowned, and went to check the door was shut behind us. 'Are you mad to ask such a thing here? Or anywhere, for that matter.'

'No one can hear us, you have a permanent Privacy Charm cast, you told me about it yourself. I am serious, Lucius, do you seek to be the one who follows him?'

The frown did not leave his face, but he answered me, nonetheless. 'Perhaps to rule with him. To look for more is … unseemly.'

I nodded my agreement. 'And yet he is older than us. Over fifty. Do you not think it strange that he never speaks of who will come next? He is a great wizard, but his life is not without dangers, surely he should have a plan?'

Lucius's frown eased at that. 'Fifty is not so old, Regulus! You make him sound as though he is ancient. He is a strong and vigorous wizard. There will be plenty of time for him to worry about succession once he comes to power.' He smiled at me indulgently, and I could see him rationalising my words to himself.

'Well, when the time comes, I think he should choose you,' I said. I felt a little ashamed of myself, but I must have sounded sincere, as he clapped me on the shoulder and laughed.

That night, I dined with my parents. Kreacher was fully recovered now, and had resumed his duties. My mother had told me I had spoiled him, but my father seemed to think I had shown admirable humility and had learnt from my mistakes. We talked about my work, and about my future, and he seemed satisfied with the answers I gave. I waited until pudding was served before I asked the question that had been haunting me for days.

'Why would a wizard whose father was a Muggle declare war on the Muggleborn?'

Father looked at me deeply, but Mother gave a harsh laugh. 'Who wouldn't seek to burn out the weakness within himself? Imagine the horror of realising it is in your blood!'

'But he never talks about it. No one knows.'

'He could be ashamed, Son' Father said. 'He could hope that by being more apparently Pure than the great families, it will burn out the taint of his birth. So many of us have allowed our standards to slip, these days, that he could see himself as preventing the birth of more abominations, and hope that this will atone for his own parent's weakness.'

'Does it really matter that much,' I asked, tiredly.

My mother was horrified, I think that the only thing that stopped her shrieking was the fact she had used all of her breath in a dramatic gasp. My father, though gave a measured answer.

'Throughout our history, Muggles have tried to eradicate us, Son. It is not merely that our ways are not their ways, it is that they envy every aspect of our existence. By keeping ourselves separate, we have kept ourselves safe. And do not be mistaken, we have also refused to allow our blood to be diluted by theirs. It is no secret that the families who have not been so careful are prone to Squibs. Purity is strength, Regulus.'

I most carefully did not mention the name Marius.

'But if our safety is in our separateness, why then does the Dark Lord seek to put us in a position of power over the Muggles?'

Mother could restrain herself no longer. 'It is our rightful place! Surely we should not be expected to hide from such filth forever? Perhaps, when our numbers were small and they were united and strong. But now we are many, and they are fractured. Now is the time for us to rise up and take our birthright!'

I nodded respectfully at her, but addressed myself to my father. 'What about the Muggle-born? How is it that some witches and wizards appear with no family in our world, yet just, that is to say, nearly as powerful as us?'

His face was sober. 'You can be guaranteed that the Magic is buried in their bloodlines. Sometimes it comes from many generations back. And sometimes, shamefully, it comes from one of ours who has had his way with one of their women, then taken himself from her memory. I will not lie to you Son, such things have been known to happen. It is a great crime, and a filthy abuse of both the Muggle and the wizard's own body.'

My mother had looked as though she was about to launch into another diatribe, but at my father's words, she drew a quiet breath, and her look grew contemplative. 'Sometimes, too, their men force our women into their beds,' she said. 'And even into marriages they have no desire for. I think I know why you are asking these things, Regulus. Your friend Severus will always be welcome here, it was not his mother's fault that she was unable to resist his brute of a father. We must overlook the stain on his blood, just as he seeks to.'

I smiled at her, and she patted my hand, convinced she had been generous and kind. In her own way, she had. I stopped my questions, then, and turned to my pudding. As I chased the remnants of cherry sponge through custard, I stared at the red and though of how desperately I wanted to ask Lily Evans what she thought of all my discoveries. But I could not share this danger with anyone, and certainly not with her.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

I was with Lucius when he was summoned next. I saw him grasp his forearm, and the look of triumph that came across his face.

'The Dark Lord has need of me! I must go to him!'

He bundled me out of his office, and made a garbled excuse of illness to the assistants outside. I walked with him as he made his way to the Ministry exit; he spoke quietly and quickly the whole way.

'It may be that he requires counsel from his intimates. But if he has action for us to manage, I will call on you. It is time for you, Regulus. You have shown yourself worthy, now the opportunity to serve your Lord should be given to you.'

'I'll be in the library,' I said, hoping that I would not be called on, but fearing I would.

I was right to fear. In less than a half hour he returned, ordered me to bring robes, broom and my Potions kit and meet them in Kesteven, outside Market Deeping just before midnight that evening.

'More glory for you tonight!' He smiled as he left, convinced he had done me a favour.

My first instinct was to warn someone. But how? I could not tell Lily: how would she explain from where she had received the information? I could hardly go to the Aurors and tell them to expect a Death Eater attack – aside from implicating myself, I was not convinced of their trustworthiness.

But … I could go to the Aurors … just not about us.

I left off re-shelving the _Decisions of the Wizengamot: 1967–1969_ and went to the Directory shelves instead. I was in luck, there were only two wizarding families in Market Deeping.

I left it until afternoon teatime before I stole one of the quills we kept for people filling out borrowing requests and went on a quick walk, allegedly to see if I could find some fresh milk. It was easy enough to swipe a sheet of parchment from Games. I took a moment to scrawl a note, then paid one of the interns a few Sickles to run off and Owl it for me.

If things went to plan, the Aurors would be in Kesteven tonight, too, acting on a tip-off about illegal Potions smuggling, and a shipment that was due to arrive just before midnight. I doubted their forces would be what they would deploy had I said 'Expect Voldemort!', but they could yet be enough to get people out without blood being shed.

After that, I waited. I went home late, ate dinner quickly and with little conversation, then excused myself for an early night. I even managed to nap. As promised, Kreacher woke me at eleven.

'Is Master Regulus going out?' he asked, nervously as I dressed myself in my darkest robes.

'I am, Kreacher, but you are not to tell anyone.'

'Will Master Regulus be requiring Kreacher?'

'No,' I answered quickly. 'You have done more than enough. It is up to me now, your work for the Dark Lord is thoroughly concluded.'

'Kreacher did not mind,' he lied.

'Yes, well, Master Regulus did. Now be a help and make sure you have something warm for me on the stove when I return.'

'When Master Regulus returns,' Kreacher echoed, nodding happily.

I gathered my hood, mask, broom and satchel, and Apparated to the point Lucius had given me.

'Mask!' a voice hissed as I appeared.

I slipped it into place quickly, and added my hood on top. Though it was ridiculous. This was an assembly point, with only Death Eaters here, and I could tell who each and every one of them was from build and voice, if not, in the case of Avery, who had hissed, by his truly appalling boots.

Lucius came to stand by me, with Severus in tow. 'Well timed, Regulus. Severus will be beside you through the evening. Stay to the rear, the Dark Lord is counting on you to provide aid to those of our forces that require it.'

I nodded, pleased to be given a job I could do without qualm. Lucius moved on, leaving Severus with me.

'Don't worry, I'll make sure you're kept safe,' Severus assured me.

'What are we doing?' I asked, not sure that I wanted to know.

'Teaching a lesson,' Severus replied. 'McCoy has decided that he is leaving us. One does not leave the Dark Lord's service, Regulus. It is a lifelong vocation.'

'And we're going to …'

'Explain his mistake.'

'Does he have a family?'

'Does it matter?'

And I wanted to say yes, but at that moment those of us with brooms were ordered onto them and into the air. Rosier was to lead the ground attack on our side, with Lucius his second, while Avery led the other. Those of us in the air were mostly to provide back-up, and to cover escapes.

We closed in on the target quickly. The lights were on in the little cottage, an island of luminescence in the dark countryside near the town. I could see the gentle Charms the family had used to keep Muggles from their door, but clearly McCoy had not believed his defection to be discovered, as there was no serious warding that could stand against us.

I only hoped the lights meant Aurors.

Below us, he door was blasted from its hinges by Rosier, but then Rosier was sent flying back in turn. I held my breath and hoped. Sure enough, the shouts within the house were multiple, and Avery's forces at the rear were also met with a barrage of hexes.

'I can't believe he was such a fool!' Severus shouted in the stiff night breeze beside me.

'What do you mean?'

'He's called in the Aurors! He's sent himself to Azkaban!'

Which may well have been the outcome, though I failed to see how this was worse than meeting a horrible death at the hands of his former colleagues. I supposed I knew little of Azkaban, I had always assumed that inmates were kept separate. Were this not so, and given that the Aurors had been known to arrest and sentence a few of us, I could see that it might be preferable to die quickly, and at home.

But surely not with his family …

'Come down with me, Regulus, they've brought in reinforcements!'

It was true. I could see figures Apparating into the front and back gardens and the distinctive sound of Stunners being thrown. Some of our people were falling back, but it looked like retreat, not injury.

More and more Aurors and – I could see by then – members of the Order were appearing. My brother and Remus Apparated into the front garden, thankfully Severus was steering us to the back.

There Avery had fallen to the ground, and one of the Lestrange brothers had taken his place. He hurled a hex from his hip: Rabastan. Severus guided me to the ground near Avery, and stood above us as I checked to see if he still breathed.

He did, and strongly. But whatever curse had been used on him was strongly paralytic. There was nothing for it but to levitate him into the woodshed while the battle raged around us.

Rabastan did not let up for one moment, despite the ever-increasing forces arrayed against us. I could not understand why we did not retreat and regroup, but then a chill deeper than that of the moist countryside swept through the evening and a booming shake stirred the miry ground.

The Dark Lord came, and he brought giants.

The Aurors and members of the Order looked worried, but kept up their defence and their barrage of offensive spells. Rabastan began to laugh, loudly and disturbingly. He was secure in his belief that victory was minutes away at the speed of those great legs and feet.

And then Severus was no longer beside me.

He had thrown his broom to the ground and was running towards the right rear of the house. I ran after him, as quickly as I could, in time to hear his snarl of 'Potter!' and to see him raise his wand arm in a violent arc above his head.

And I could see, as he could not, Lily Evans pushing her husband out of harm's way.

There was nothing for it. I heard Severus's ' _Cru…_ as I grabbed his left arm. A long and spinning moment later he grunted '…cio' as he fell on top of me on a grassy slope.

He regained composure faster than I did. His hand gripped my throat and his wand hovered inches in front of my de-masked face.

'Evans!' I gasped. 'Your curse was going to hit Evans!'

He sat back, pushing his mask and hood off in the one movement. 'No,' he said, shaking his head. 'Potter, I was aiming at Potter.'

I took a few good breaths before I sat up, too. 'She was behind him, she pushed him, and he would have fallen in time for your curse to hit her. I remembered what you said, it seemed the best thing to do.'

'Yes, yes it was!' He gripped my hand and squeezed it. 'Thank you, I owe you …'

'Nothing,' I interrupted. 'I've seen you avoid Sirius, I was just upholding my end of our bargain. Should we head back?'

'Yes, and steer the battle away from her if we can.'

'Agreed.'

He helped me to my feet, then looked about us. 'Where are we?' he asked, noticing Clifford's Tower above us.

'York,' I confessed. And then I lied: 'My mother used to bring me here and tell me of Muggles being put to the death. It popped into my head when I couldn't think clearly.'

Severus nodded. 'Good decision. Safe and quiet. Come, pick up your mask. I'll take us back.'

We had been gone the shortest time, but it was enough for the battle to have changed. Lucius was running towards us when we appeared, shouting at us to look above. We did, and dived to the left: a giant was about to step where we had just been. We jammed our masks back into place and summoned our brooms, obeying Lucius's order to return to the safety of the sky.

I waited, fearful, as the enormous creatures who seemed nothing more than unbridled rage came close enough to trample the fences and those within them.

And then as they tilted backwards and fell like giant trees, one after the other.

It took me a moment to work out what was happening: it was my brother. He, Remus and Potter were flying arabesques between the legs of the giants – obviously with some strong line in tow. Once they were ensnared, it took only simple physics and speed to topple them.

I wanted to laugh.

Above me, a howl of outrage sounded above even the wails of the fallen giants. It was the Dark Lord. Flying without aid, his white face more like marble than ever, his rage thrumming through the air.

Down he plunged, wand like a sword, vengeance in every line …

And beneath us, Professor Albus Dumbledore stepped out into the cool night and with a look of gentle sorrow cast a hex that sent a pillar of fire straight upwards.

The Dark Lord's robes were engulfed, and he screamed: a sound of terrible fury and thwarted rage. Tumbled in the force of the blaze, he was sent spinning across the sky, like nothing so much as a phoenix on its last and first day.

Behind my mask, I smiled.

Severus reached out from his broom and shook me. 'Go! Go home! All is lost for tonight, but the Dark Lord will return!'

I clutched his arm. 'If they ask, I thought a giant was going to step on us, and I panicked.'

'They were close enough to, it is a good lie.'

'Avery!' I remembered.

Severus pointed downwards: Rabastan was Disapparating, with Avery's body in his arms.

'Go home to your bed!' Severus ordered. 'You never left it this night.'

I did as I was told, but lay there almost until dawn, afraid. Severus was right. The Dark Lord would return. He had not feared death at all as he faced Dumbledore's flame, and I, to my horror, knew why.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Lucius was waiting for me when I arrived at work early the following morning.

'Are you well?' he asked, innocuously.

'Quite,' I replied. 'Is there anything I can do for you?'

'Wizengamot records 1973-1975, short forms only. And would you be so kind as to deliver them to my office?' Even I could barely detect the meaning tone in his voice, yet in the absence of any observers, he kept up a firm guard.

'I should be there within the quarter hour.'

'Marvellous.' At that he performed one of those hair- and robe-sweeping turns that Narcissa had tipsily informed me he practised for hours at home and strode off towards the lift.

I had a moment to make a decision.

It was likely that he was disappointed in me for fleeing the battle last night, but I came back, so a few cross words would probably be all that were exchanged. It may be that he hadn't noticed, and simply wanted to debrief me on my first proper action. There was the slimmest of chances that Lucius was following the orders of the Dark Lord, and that our Lord had looked into my thoughts at his moment of defeat and seen my joy in it, and damned me for both the joy and the knowledge that had followed and subsumed it.

Two out of three chances meant I would return from Lucius's office.

I took the volumes from their shelves, and took in a deep breath to carry the weight – both without and within – then chose to face my cousin-in-law.

'You did very well!' he declared as his assistant let me in.

I believe that I kept the relief from my face.

'Severus tells me that you saved him again – at this rate he will owe you his first born.'

I put the proceedings of the Wizengamot down on his desk, and chose my words carefully. 'I panicked, really. I'd not expected giants, so I completely over-reacted.'

'Not at all. You neither screamed nor soiled yourself, which is more than can be said for some. And Avery has asked me to pass on his thanks for your attention and clever protection of him.'

'It was nothing. I hope he's recovered well today.'

'Entirely.'

'And the Dark Lord?' I was very proud to keep any hesitation from my voice.

'Last night's excursion cost him only a robe. And his hair – he has chosen not to repair it, declaring it a pointless vanity. A number of his closest confidants have pledged to remove their own.'

'You?'

Lucius gave very smallest of shudders. 'I do not believe it would accord with my personal style. And to my mind, it seems a foolish way to mark oneself in a world where secrecy is still vital. Though,' he conceded, 'were the Dark Lord to order such a thing, of course, I would have no hesitation.

'Of course.'

'Many thanks for these.' He tapped the pile of books with a proprietary flourish. 'I am confident they will help me with my next move here.'

'I hope they do. Feel free to call on me if you require anything more.'

He smiled at that. 'I will, Regulus. Relax for now, we have some time to breathe before we are needed next.'

'Back to the library, then.'

I was profoundly glad that no one else entered the lift while I took it back, as it would have been hard to explain my need to sit on its floor. Madam Jones was in by the time I made it back to the library, greeting me with a cup of tea, which I had never had more need for.

Happily the morning passed in prosaic predictability, until just after eleven, at which point I saw Lily Evans duck her head around the corner, check that Madam Jones was asleep, then sprint across the library floor and into my arms.

It was a deeply satisfying moment.

'You're alive!' she whispered. 'I saw you save James – thank you! But I was so worried it would get you into trouble!'

Which was, of course, not exactly right, but it seemed churlish to mention it at a time like that. I smuggled her down to the quietest part of the stacks so that we wouldn't wake Madam Jones, and we sat down between the shelves to talk.

'I saw Lucius shouting at you,' she said. 'I thought he had seen.'

'He was warning us to look out for the giants. He's all right, really.'

She rolled her eyes at that, but let it pass. 'I was really worried. It was awful having to wait, I nearly Floo-called Sirius so that he could run over to yours and check you were all right.'

I didn't quite hold in my snort of laughter. 'Mother would have hexed him on sight.'

'Oh, Regulus, don't exaggerate!'

'She burned his name off the family tapestry. And usually you have to be a Squib or marry a Muggle to manage that.'

Lily's eyes were wide. 'I thought he was making that up!'

'Oh no,' I assured her. 'He's lucky that Father rather likes him, he stopped her from doing anything really awful.'

'That's … horrible.'

I shrugged. 'It's what we do. Two hundred years ago, he'd probably have had to flee the country. Of course, two hundred years ago, he'd probably have called Mother out and the two of them would have duelled to the death. Though Sirius might still have fled in preference to really upsetting Father …'

'Regulus …' Lily was frowning.

'Yes?'

'Stop talking about your parents before I kidnap you and take you home and lock you in the spare room where they can't get at you.'

It was an appealing threat, but … 'They're not that bad. They love me. They love Sirius, in their way.'

She sniffed at that, but didn't say anything.

I tried to explain. 'You have to understand, my parents knew some of their great-great-grandparents. All of my grandparents are still alive. We Blacks live for a long time unless we get blown up young. Tradition makes sense in our family, and the ones we keep have been around for an awfully long time.'

Lily did not speak immediately, and I could see all the things she was deliberately not saying. After a little while, she reached across the aisle and patted my knee. 'Your parents taught you loyalty, and last night, that saved the life of my husband, so I am grateful.'

I smiled at that, and all was well.


	3. Chapter 3

October was quiet. Whether that was because the Dark Lord was regathering his energies after his battle with Dumbledore, or because I spent as much time as possible taking long walks through Muggle London and sitting in parks on warm days, I was not sure.

I saw Sirius.

It was wholly unexpected, for both of us. We were both alone. I had popped into Obscurus Books in a hunt I alleged to be for an advanced tome on ingredients for use in blood-staunching potions, he dived in through the door in a bid to avoid Mother – who I had left on Diagon Alley a few moments before on her way to Twilfit & Tatting's, in a foul mood that they had no one spare to come and see her.

For a moment, we just stared at each other. I rather expected him to turn around and leave. But he came over.

'Sirius,' I said.

'Regulus,' he replied. 'Remus told me he'd seen you about.'

'How is he?'

'Well.'

'Pass on my regards.'

'I will.'

We stood there for a moment, apparently transfixed by the possibilities offered inside the olive-green cover of _Using Ashwinder Eggs Safely_. Sirius took it from the pile in front of me, then we paid equal respects in turn to _The Basilisk and Where to Find It_ and _Fiendfyre: Friendly Fuel or Deadly for Dabblers?_

'You've lost weight,' Sirius said abruptly.

'You've gained a little.'

He smiled at that. 'Remus does the cooking most nights, so it's actually edible.'

'I hope you do the washing up.'

'Of course!' After a moment of shaking his head at my presumption of his uselessness, he added, 'Once Remus taught me how.'

We both smiled at that. The Black family was not good training for … anything, really, save sitting around eulogising the old days.

'You're still at home?'

I nodded.

'How are they?'

'They're well.'

'How are you?'

'Well,' I lied. 'And you?'

'Well.'

'That's good. Keep your head down, yeah? Stay safe.'

'You too.'

'Remus keeps an eye out for me, and I for him. We'll be fine.'

I smiled then, because I believed that. Sirius smiled back at me, and I could see so many words behind that smile. But he, like I, had no idea how to begin.

'I should go,' he said. 'Don't want to get you into trouble if people see us talking.'

'Don't worry, I'll just tell them you were threatening me.'

'I ought to.'

'Sirius …' I waited until he looked up at me. 'I know. I really do. It's just not as simple as you think.'

He sucked in his lower lip, and years of experience had taught me that meant a lecture was in the offing, so I put up a hand to forestall it. 'Not now. Later. There are things I still need to work out and then you can yell at me as much as you like.'

'I don't yell at you,' he said, sniffily. Then truth won out and he laughed. 'All right, I haven't yelled at you in ages.'

'I haven't seen you in ages.'

And there was nothing either of us could say to that, unless we wanted it to degenerate into an argument, so I hugged him, and patted him on the back and told him it was good to see him.

'Stay safe,' he said, gripping my shoulder. 'Keep your head down, hide if you have to. If you need money, Floo-call me. If you need to get out of England quickly, do the same.'

And then he turned and all but ran from the shop before I could say a word. I think he thought I might be about to argue with him, but the words that were coming to my lips were thanks, and I love you.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

I expected to see Lily at the Ministry's Halloween Ball. The Potters had always been significant donors, and my family was on nodding terms with theirs, for all that my mother would mutter 'Child-stealing bitch' every time she saw James Potter's mother at these functions. Father would make a point of out-bidding Mr Potter Senior on any auctions the latter favoured, and St Mungo's did very well out of their polite enmity every year.

This year's do was masked, the irony of which was not lost on me, and from the moment we received the invitation I waited to hear that the Dark Lord would be taking advantage of the evening to prosecute an attack on the Ministry.

When Lucius made an unexpected visit the day before, I steeled myself to hear bad news. He kept me waiting through a lengthy afternoon tea with my parents first, then excused us for a chat about Ministry Affairs.

We walked to the library and sat amid the territorial furnishings. I was glad that I had put my books away that afternoon, as they would have only furnished him with damning evidence for any suspicions he might have. 'About tomorrow night,' he began.

'Yes?'

'I was wondering if you would like to sit at my table? Narcissa has been feeling indisposed all week and has begged off attending. I know it will mean leaving your parents, but I can tempt you with some of the lasses from Magical Sports, and Ruskin is seated with us, he always brings his own supply of cognac, so it should be quite the party.'

I hoped that I concealed something of my relief, lest he think me an idiot. 'Yes,' I said. 'That would be entertaining. I'd like it. Do give Narcissa my best and tell her I hope she's well soon.'

A smile crept up his face at that. 'She will be,' he said, conspiratorially. 'It won't be long until her first trimester is over.'

'Her first … Oh! Congratulations!' And I was genuinely happy for them.

'It's still private, but you're family. We'll wait another few weeks just in case, then we'll let your parents know before we announce it publicly.'

'It's very good news. You're clearly happy, is she happy too?'

'Beyond what you can imagine. She has always wanted a child, and that it should come so soon after our wedding fills her with joy. At this rate, the manor will be overflowing with babies and toddlers and children by the time we have won this war.' And he began to chuckle at the mental image.

I laughed, too. I could see Lucius with children. He would indulge them horribly and they would run roughshod over him. It would be nice to visit the manor and see it cluttered with toys and filled with shouts of laughter.

And visits from a madman.

I pushed the thought to one side. 'Should I meet you at the ball?'

'That would be splendid. I'm wearing a dragon mask, you?'

'Phoenix.'

'Sounds good. Right, I'll leave you to the rest of your Sunday. And thanks, I was afraid we might end up with someone hideous from MLE in the vacant spot. You'll keep up our numbers very nicely indeed.'

'You're more than welcome. See you tomorrow.'

'Till then.'

I managed to hold in my sighs of relief until he left the house.

Mother and Father were very good about my table defection – I suspect because it meant they would not need to make small talk with me. But the following evening, as guests were all coming into the dining room, and I went in beside Lucius Malfoy and took the chair beside his, one mask followed my movements intently. It was a black cat mask, surrounded by a halo of dark-red hair, and even though I could see only a jaw and lower lip, I knew the face behind the mask was full of disapproval.

A tall tiger-faced wizard took the cat's arm and guided her away to their table. I wanted to go after them and explain to Lily that I was sitting with Lucius my cousin-in-law, not Malfoy the Death Eater, but I doubted she would have cared about the distinction.

The evening passed as these things will, and I may have drunk a little more than I intended to, because when I saw the woman in the cat mask head onto the balcony alone, I followed.

'Sometimes,' I said, by way of greeting, 'A table is just a table and a cousin is just a cousin.'

'And a mask is just a mask?'

'What?'

'Never mind. I hate seeing you with him,' she replied.

I sighed, but I couldn't let it drop. 'Comparatively, he is one of the good guys. He's not keen on violence, he's active in political resolutions, I've seen him actively avoid hexing Sirius, because we all used to play together with Cissie and Bella. It's more complex than you think it is.'

'Cissie and Bella?'

'Every family has nicknames. Even the crazy bloodline obsessed ones.'

Lily pushed her mask up, so I could see that she was smiling. I did the same.

'Sirius told me he saw you. Said that it went surprisingly well.'

I nodded. 'Though he left too quickly. I wanted to … talk more.'

'He says it was the first time in years that you didn't bang on about the Dark Lord.'

'You know why not as well as I do.'

'Because you've stopped believing.'

I nodded.

'When?'

'Before that day you caught me under the bush. But I kept trying, for as long as I could. I didn't want to let people down.'

She took my hand and held it comfortably. 'Leave.'

'It's not that easy.'

'Yes it is. You can stay with us. Or Sirius and Remus.'

'You might trust me, but the rest of the Order won't. Nor should they. Their strength is in that we know they exist, but not who they are for the most part. They'd be sensible to think me a spy.'

'We'll send you abroad, until everything is over. New Zealand or Argentina. Somewhere no one would ever think to look.'

'The Falklands, where no one would ever be bothered to look.'

Lily laughed. 'Yes. You and several thousand sheep. Perfect.'

'What if it's never over?'

'It will be, some day. The Dark Lord has failed several times now, Regulus. Every time there's a big battle, there are more of us, and fewer Death Eaters. People have seen our victories, and taken courage from them. Sooner or later, he will be defeated once and for all.'

I didn't tell her my fears. Only nodded, and pretended she was telling the truth.

'Come and stay with us until you work out what to do. The house is enormous, and the wards are strong. You'll have to put up with James's early morning Quidditch drills on weekends, but he'd be happy to fly with you, you were nearly as good as he was at school.'

'I can't, Lily.'

'Of course you can. You don't even need to tell us anything. Just get out of there. Come and stay with us, and be safe.'

I shook my head.

Lily stamped her foot in exasperation. 'Why on earth not?'

I leaned forward and hastily and ineptly pressed a kiss to her lips.

'Oh,' she said.

'Sorry.' I went to let go of her hand, but she would not let me.

'How long has this been going on?' she asked, as though she had just discovered my interest in purple pygmy puffs.

'Since third year. Half the boys in Slytherin had a bit of a crush on you after you bawled Potter out in the Great Hall over him picking on Severus.'

'Ah.'

'I don't expect anything,' I hastened to add. 'It's just, I couldn't live in your house. I still like being your friend – you're the best one I have – just, every day would be …'

'Too hard,' she finished for me.

'Too hard,' I agreed.

'You need a girlfriend, Regulus.'

'Yes, now would be an ideal time to acquire one, and I move in such useful circles for that.'

She indulged my sarcasm. 'Alecto Carrow is still single. Take away the mania for violence and conquest, and she's quite pretty.'

'Pass.'

'Come over to our side and I can guarantee you there'll be any number of young witches willing to overlook the whole Death Eater thing if it comes with your face.'

'Are you saying I have a nice face?'

'You have a Black face, devilishly handsome, as well you know. Admittedly, half the girls who'd throw themselves at you would be doing so because they can't have Sirius, and a fair percentage of the rest would be wanting to walk on the wild side with an ex Mask-wearer, but there's bound to be one or two sane ones out there.'

'Thank you, I feel enormously encouraged.'

'I'm happy to help.'

We stood there, laughing quietly for a moment. Back inside, the clatter of cutlery and change in the tenor of conversation heralded the arrival of pudding.

'We should go back in before we're looked for,' Lily said. 'You head off first, won't do to be seen in my company, after all.'

I turned to leave, but she called me back. 'I meant it, you know. Remus and Sirius would take you in, and James and I can pay for a Portkey if you want to get out of the country. Or an aeroplane ticket, if you'd prefer.'

'Aeroplane?'

'Flying Muggle thing.'

'The big winged tin things?'

'That's right.'

'Aren't they full of Muggles?'

'You'll cope.'

I shook my head. 'Lily, he'd kill them all if he wanted to get to me.'

The smile slipped from her lips. 'No, that would be absurd. You're just … Regulus. He doesn't need you.'

'It's not about need.'

She bit her lip, then lifted her chin. 'Fine. Portkey. We'll organise a fake one for you to the Falklands and a real one under someone else's name to somewhere you can deal with for a year or two. There's a way out.'

And I let her believe that I agreed with her. 'I'll write to you. Send an owl. And Lily?'

'Yes?'

'Thanks for not thinking I'm an idiot about the kissing thing.'

She grinned. 'Why would I think you're an idiot for finding me fanciable? Simple sign of good taste.'

I grinned back at her. 'Exactly.'

'Go in. And write soon.'

I waved, rather than answered, as I slipped back in through the curtains, because I could not think of anything to say that might not turn out to be a lie.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Lucius came for me three nights later. Kreacher woke me, upset and hand-wringing.

'The Young Malfoy is here. He has ordered Kreacher to wake Master Regulus. Kreacher said Master Regulus was sleeping, but the Malfoy did not listen.'

I rolled quickly out of bed, reaching for my robes and pulling them on as I spoke. 'I will deal with him, Kreacher. You are to stay here. Inside my wardrobe. I need you to … guard my dress robes.' It was my feeblest lie to date, but I carried on. 'If I'm not back by morning, go to Master Sirius and tell him what has happened, and who I went with.'

'The Blood Traitor?' Kreacher wailed. 'Master Regulus will not make Kreacher do such a thing! Mistress would not allow it!'

I paused in my dressing and dropped to my knees so that I could look him in the eyes. 'Kreacher will do this for me, because it will mean danger for whoever you go to. You wouldn't want to put Mother or Father in danger would you?'

'Kreacher would never do such a thing!'

'But you wouldn't mind if it was Sirius.'

A crafty look came into his eyes at that, I knew how to phrase my appeal.

'Sirius would be able to help me, while keeping Mother and Father safe. And if anything bad happened to him, well, it would make Mother very happy.'

'Kreacher understands. Master Regulus is very subtle. Kreacher will wait in the wardrobe, and the dress robes will be well guarded.'

I caught the back of his tea towel as he opened the door. 'I want you to take something to eat, and to sleep while you are in there. Your presence will be enough to keep them safe. It is important to me you are well rested.'

He shook his head at me, but did as I ordered, popping away only to return a moment later with sandwiches and an old blanket. 'Master Regulus is to be taking care of himself, not of elves who know what they are doing.'

'You're quire right,' I agreed, buttoning up my boots. I grabbed my mask and hood, and my satchel of Potions, too, then rushed downstairs to where Lucius waited.

He saw the satchel in my hands as I ran down the stairs as quietly as I could. 'You have anticipated me!' he whispered.

'Is someone hurt?'

He paused oddly before stating that someone was. That should have warned me.

When we Apparated to Malfoy Manor, I felt a moment of panic. Severus could have been hurt again, or there could be a problem with Narcissa and the baby. I had been researching methods of dealing with the most common battle injuries, but I knew next to nothing about obstetrics. Rational thought intruded and assured me Lucius would have taken Narcissa to St Mungo's.

He walked ahead of me, pace brisk, and did not look back until we reached the door to the third-best drawing room. There he paused, and turned to me before opening the door.

'Your patient is inside. I did not wish to be involved in this, but I came home and found that my wife's sister had made it my problem. I am hoping that you can redeem things a little.'

He stepped out of the doorway then, pushing the door itself inwards, and revealing the backs of my cousin Bellatrix and young Barty Crouch. They were leaning over something, but moved out of the way as they heard us enter.

I saw what it was, then, and I stepped back out of the room. Lucius had anticipated me, and left the door open. He muttered something to Bella and Barty, then shut it, with us outside.

'That … that thing …' I stuttered.

He put a steady hand on my shoulder. 'I know.'

'He –' I was guessing at the gender – 'was wearing Ministry Robes.'

Lucius took a breath. 'The Dark Lord believes he has information that is essential. Unfortunately, I was not at hand when the mission was proposed. Bellatrix and Bartemius took the matter in hand, and you have seen the result. The man is dying, Regulus. I need you to keep him alive, at least until we have our answer.'

The face that I had seen had been a swollen mass of gore, with skin purple and black with bruising and parts of the jaw and nose down to raw, oozing, flesh. Blood had been bubbling through his lips, which could have spoken of broken teeth or nose, or of something far less survivable.

'I'll do what I can,' I said, 'but I can't promise you anything.'

Lucius nodded and opened the door again. Barty had his wand out and pointed at the victim.

'Put it away!' Lucius snapped. 'Do you think the Dark Lord will reward you if you deliver him a corpse with no information?'

Barty growled at him, but did as he was told.

Bellatrix looked at me and a slow leer crept across her face. 'You've brought my handsome little cousin, Lucius. He often follows you. Is there something we should know?'

I frowned, but Lucius ignored her. 'Regulus is here to return the prisoner to a fit state.'

I stepped past them, elbowing Barty out of the way rather viciously if truth be told. The man did not react to me as I knelt beside him, though whether that was because it was beyond him physically or mentally, I could not tell. Barty leaned over me as I felt for a pulse, my hand slipping on the blood that covered the man's neck.

'Can you get them out of here?' I asked Lucius.

With a curt nod, he gathered up the other two and took them from the room.

'Can you hear me?' I asked.

There was no response.

I turned to my satchel and began to mix a restorative. I added an ample splash of blood replenishers, but without a close investigation, it would be hard to know what else would help rather than harm.

I summoned one of the Malfoy house-elves and sent him for water, cloths and alcohol. Together we cleaned up the man as much as was possible, adding Murtlap Essence to the water, then I had the elf support his head while I tipped some of the Potion between his swollen lips. There were teeth freshly missing and he hissed with pain as I poured the mixture in.

'Can you hear me?' I asked again.

This time he grunted.

'Look, I'm sorry. I don't know why they've brought you here. They've asked me to fix you up so they can go on with the questioning …'

At that, he opened his eyes. Only, the lids were so swollen that he could not open them properly, he had to lean his head back and peer out from slits. I could barely see enough to tell that his eyes were grey, like mine. The man whispered something, but the words did not make it clearly past his immobile mouth, which had been stretched taut with bruising and blood blisters.

He tried again, and I understood. 'Let me die,' he said.

'I can't.' Whether I was speaking as someone who was providing care, or as a Death Eater, I cannot tell you. Either way, it was not an acceptable outcome.

'Here,' I said. 'This potion will help with the bruising. It will hurt less, and you'll be able to talk more clearly. Drink it down.'

He did, then sat quietly for a minute while I checked for broken bones and internal injuries. There were many. None fatal, on its own, but enough to kill him within a day or so if I left them. It would be a very bad day, though.

'Right, you're not in good shape, but you know that. Why they didn't use Veritaserum I'll never know. Bella definitely has some, and so does Lucius, I gave it to both of them. Stupid waste …'

I was muttering so quickly that I missed his words and he had to repeat himself. 'They did, they did.'

'They what?'

'Used Veritaserum.'

I stopped my ministrations and stared at him. Before I spoke to him, I had the momentary sense to send Malfoy's house-elf from the room. And then, as I knew I should not, I asked questions. 'But why didn't you tell them what they want to know?'

'Because I don't know the answer!' he wailed softly, moving his jaw as little as possible. I realised that some of the sticky mess on his cheeks was tears, amid the blood and crust.

'But why did they keep going?'

' _I don't know_ ,' he moaned.

But I did.

I reached for my bag. 'I can't get you out of here,' I said quickly. 'They'll kill me first. But I can make it so you don't feel what's happening. If I say I have fixed your heart and lungs, they'll get back to work. But if I don't really fix them, then I think it will be two, maybe three curses before your heart gives out altogether. It's the best I can do for you.'

'Thank you,' he whispered, and one of his bloody hands reached out to clasp mine, curling his two working fingers around my palm.

'I'm so sorry …'

'Thank you,' he repeated, squeezing my hand with what strength he had. 'Can you tell my parents I'm dead? My name was Benedict Flutterbee.'

'I will. My name is Regulus Black.' It was all I could give him, aside from his death.

This time I mixed hastily. It did not matter if I made a mistake in this brew, in fact, I was rather counting on my actions being put down to overconfidence. Enough bone-mending syrup to keep Benedict in one piece, more Murtlap Essence, a single drop of Asphodel so that it would provide detachment but not obvious stupor, more Blood-Replenishing Potion – too much in fact – and then aconite, a very liberal dose.

I stoppered the vial, and shook it three times, murmuring a magnifying Charm on its qualities.

'Benedict?' I wasn't sure if he was still conscious.

He lifted his head as much as he could.

'There's an awful lot of aconite in here. I don't know if you did Potions at Hogwarts, but aconite – wolfsbane you might have called it – will numb you – your hands and feet first, then onwards, until it reaches your heart. I've set it to work quickly, so it should be ten, perhaps fifteen minutes, not hours. Your mind will stay with you. I've added in something to keep you calm, but you'll be able to think, you'll … you'll be you to the end. It might make you throw up, or void your bowels, I think it should work too quickly for that, but if it does, bugger the dignity, see if you can get some of the mess onto Bella or Barty.'

He made a strange choking sound at that, and I realised it was laughter.

I smiled, and he reached out and took my hand again. 'Are you truthful? Can I really die now? Or is this just another torture?'

'I was a truthful man,' I told him, 'before this war made me need to tell lies. I have not lied to you.' I thought for a moment, then added, 'But I will lie to your parents. I will tell them it was quick, and that you felt no pain.'

'Thank you.'

I held the vial to his lips, and helped him to drink from it, not even asking if he was sure, because that would have been cruel.

'Goodbye,' I said. 'Good luck.'

I went to the door and opened it; the corridor was empty. I could hear voices, and when followed them, they led me to a nearby study. Lucius was sitting at his desk, with Severus on the other side of it and Bella and Barty pacing the floor. All turned to me as I walked through the door.

'Is it done?' Bella asked eagerly.

'He's repaired enough for you to resume questioning him,' I said. 'But nothing harsh, use restraint. He's still terribly weak: any serious hexes will kill him.'

'Of course. Thank you, Regulus.'

I did not miss the smile she exchanged with Barty. Neither did Lucius.

'I will accompany you,' he said, to the dismay of both. 'Regulus, wait for me here. I'll see you home. Severus, if you would be so good …'

'I have nothing calling me away, I can wait, too.'

'My thanks.'

Severus and I were left alone, and I was grateful for it. I had not seen him since the attack on the McCoy house, but he looked well.

'Would you like to wash?' he asked me.

I looked down, and realised that I was covered in Benedict's blood.

'Come on,' he said. 'I'll take you. And I'll also take this bottle of Firewhisky and these glasses, and if we've very efficient we can have all of us back before Lucius notices.'

I smiled my assent, and he led us towards the nearest bathroom. There he let me pour a basin full of water and wash myself while he poured glasses of whisky and insisted I drink one.

'It is a very fine thing for us that you've taken on this role,' he observed. 'But I suspect it is not so enjoyable from your perspective.'

'Some of it is,' I replied. 'Saving you was good.'

'A very worthwhile use of your skills,' he agreed.

'I'm not sure that tonight has been,' I confessed.

'No.'

'What did they want out of him?'

Severus lowered his voice, so I could only just hear him. 'He's from the Department of Mysteries. There is a prophecy, the record of which should have arrived there by now, it tells of the coming of one who can defeat the Dark Lord.'

'Defeat him? But that's not possible!' I stopped myself, horrified at what I had let on.

Luckily, Severus had no idea. 'Even the greatest wizard can be tripped up by fate, Regulus. Happily, fate seems more in our favour than not, for I happened to be there when the prophecy was made.'

'There?'

I had never seen Severus so full of pride. 'In Hogsmeade. I heard it, and have alerted the Dark Lord to the danger. We will identify the one the prophecy speaks of, and destroy him.'

'But then … why did you need the man from Mysteries?'

Doubt flitted through Severus's eyes. 'I did not hear the entirety of what was said … but it will be enough!'

I nodded. 'Thank you for letting me know.'

He smiled conspiratorially. 'I shouldn't have, of course.'

'I will never say a word,' I promised.

'Come on, finish up your drink. Let's get you back.'

I was neat and apparently relaxed by the time Lucius came back from the blood-smirched drawing room. His face was grim and his mood dark.

'Bella and Barty?' Severus asked.

'I've left them to deal with their mess,' he snapped.

'Ah,' said Severus.

'Apparently restraint is not a term they are familiar with. And I do not believe the man knew anything after all. A pointless waste.'

I held my tongue.

'You did what you could,' Severus reassured him. 'We have a great deal of information to go on, the rest will come.'

Lucius looked meaningly at me, and Severus nodded in acknowledgement that the topic should be avoided.

'Come, Regulus, I'll take you home.'

He was entirely calm until we arrived at Grimmauld Place. There, rather than accompanying me up the stairs to the door, he dragged me into the park across the road.

'What in Merlin's name are you playing at?' he hissed.

I looked at him blankly, which was no great trick on my part; terror had driven all thought from my head.

'Give me that!' He snatched my Potions satchel from me and opened it, rummaging until he found the bottle he wanted. 'This was full when I gave it to you!'

He was holding up the aconite.

I took refuge in the truth – most of it at least. 'I used it to dull that man's pain, so those two could go on "interrogating" him. You know as well as I do they were just killing him in stages!"

'Not in my _house_ Regulus!' Lucius dropped the satchel and grabbed at his hair. Holding it in great chunks to the sides of his head, he walked back and forth, hissing between his teeth. After a few moments of this, he came back to himself, took my arms, and dragged me down to sit on the ground with him.

'I have a wife,' he explained. 'I love her very much, and she is carrying my child. Now I understand, I truly do understand, that you did what you thought was best. And I sympathise. In fact, if it were up to me, I would be applauding you. But it is _not_ , and you did it in my house, and you put my wife and my unborn child and my parents and _me_ in danger because you felt sorry for someone who is _nothing_. Do you see? Do you understand why I can't just look past this?'

I wanted to tell him that yes, I did. But instead, I lied again. 'Did I add too much? It was all such a rush. Are you telling me that I killed him with an overdose? I should have weighed him to be sure …'

Lucius thought for a moment, then tried a different tack. 'Of course, it is good to know that you can kill for our Lord. Did you threaten the man? Tell him that you could make him well or end his life, and that he could choose by whether or not he revealed his secrets to you?'

'I'm confused, Lucius,' I said, and that was true, for I was uncertain as to why he hadn't hexed me yet. 'Did I get it wrong? I wasn't trying to do anything but act as you asked me to. Obviously I've fucked up, but you're talking madness. I've just made a mistake …'

He frowned. 'You're not a medic, are you?'

'No!'

'Just a smart boy with a gift for Potions.'

'Yes! And reasonable basic skills from keeping my Quidditch team in a fit state. That's all I am. I've been studying, all the time, and I've tried as hard as I can, but there are some things I just don't know. Maybe the murtlap and the aconite shouldn't be mixed for someone with his level of internal bleeding, but it seemed as though it would work …'

'I want to believe you …'

I stayed silent, because an innocent man would surely not need to plead his case.

'But I no longer know whether or not I can trust you.'

'Lucius!'

He would not meet my eyes. 'I am sure that I probably can, but it's probably, Regulus. That doubt is there now, and that's fatal.' He reached into his pocket.

I sat, unmoving. I would not fight him. He had a wife, and a child on the way. I could not do that to Cissie.

He pulled a pouch from his robe and gave it to me. 'This is my emergency fund. There are ten thousand Galleons in there. It will be enough to get you anywhere in the world. Just go. Today. I will keep quiet. I will not tell anyone about my suspicions, not even if you stay, because casting doubt on you would cast doubt on Narcissa, and me, and even Severus. But I will make certain you are called on, and I will be behind you on every mission, and my hexes will go astray. Do you understand me?'

I realised that my mouth was open, but no words were coming out.

'I am sorry, Regulus. It is the way it must be. You will find a good life elsewhere. And it's not forever. When the war is over, you may return. Until then, I cannot take the risk that you may turn out to be a liability.'

I closed my mouth and swallowed. 'Right. All right. I see.'

I looked directly at him. 'I will do as I have always done and follow your instructions. I will go away, and it will be as though I have vanished from this Earth. I will not endanger you, nor my cousin, and you will not hear of me again until this war is done. And then you will know that all along I have acted in ways that were for the best, and which should have made you proud of me.'

He reached out and clutched me to his chest, hugging me tightly. 'I know. I know you will. I am proud of you already, Regulus. Until we meet again.'

'Wait …' I handed him back the pouch. 'I have enough funds.'

He took it without pause, gripped my shoulder once more, then stood and Disapparated in one fluid motion.

I felt better that he had taken the pouch: I had feared it may have contained a device to track me, or a Charm to destroy me. A sudden dark thought followed, and I slipped quickly out of my robe and set fire to it. I popped the Potions bag on top of the flame, and encouraged it to burn to ash, too.

Then I ran inside before anyone could see me in the west of London in the early hours of the morning wearing only a vest and breeches.

I did not go back to bed. Instead, I liberated Kreacher from the wardrobe, then dressed myself again, ignoring his questions as to my state of nudity. I snatched up my quill, and one sheet of Black watermark and another of anonymous parchment. On the first I wrote my letter of resignation, thanking Madam Jones and informing her I was committed to travelling abroad for family obligations. On the other, I disguised my writing to send the news of Benedict Flutterbee's death. I was short, but I hoped kind. My last words were that he had been incredibly brave.

The Ministry opened at six, though only a handful of staff were ever there before sunrise. That morning, I was one of them. I shoved the missive concerning Benedict into an Internal Mail chute, then made my way to the library.

I had brought two things from home. The first was an Elizabethan pillow, goldwork over red silk, which I placed on Madam Jones's desk, my letter atop it. If she could no longer rest as long without her assistant, she could at least rest more comfortably. The second was a mokesin pouch, which I filled with books, shrunk to fit. I felt badly for stealing, but in all honesty, the library was safer if these books were not available.

Then, as dawn began to threaten, I went home. I took off my boots and tip-toed carefully into my parents' bedroom. I went to the right side of the bed, and shook my father's shoulder gently.

'Father?' I whispered.

'Regulus? What is it? Don't wake your mother.'

'I won't. Father, I need your help.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

He never once said that he had told me so, never once shook his head at my stupidity. Rather, he helped me pack what I would need, and made excuses with Mother for why the two of us were going for an early morning walk. We made it round the corner before he grabbed my arm and Apparated me a mile and a half east.

He pulled a note from his pocket, and showed it to me, and with that a house appeared before me, narrower than our home, but just as well built. He bustled me inside, to a well-lit and spacious entrance hall.

'Where are we?' I asked.

'It was my Uncle Regulus's,' Father explained. 'He left it to me, I always meant for you to have it. It's as secret as home, more so, since none of your friends know about it.'

I thanked him, and he held me, and told me that I had to be careful. 'Stay inside, no matter what. The house comes with an elf, Welky. He's old but devoted, and very useful. If you need anything he cannot supply, send him to me. Not your mother, I am going to tell her I've sent you to Botswana.'

I laughed then, because that was one place that had never occurred to me.

'I can't lock you up,' he said. 'But be sensible, my son. You're all I have left, and you were always my favourite.'

He knew. I am sure that even then, he knew.

'Father, when the war is over, if Sirius comes back … he was always kind to me. Even in the last few years, he has always looked out for me.'

'We'll talk about that when the time comes,' he promised.

And so he left me here, and I unpacked my bags, and took possession of a house that was far too big for me and a house-elf who was happy to be called on only at mealtimes and I set about reading and planning.

After two weeks, I had read everything that I had smuggled from the library, and I had learned several important things. The first was that there _were_ spells that could render fluids unable to be drained by any method save that set by the wizard who bespelled them. The second was that house-elf magic could only create the tiniest amount of fire: enough for a warm study, but not the conflagration I would need. The third was that in light of the first and second things, I would not live to see Christmas.

I was tremendously grown-up about my third realisation. I sat down and calmly wrote letters first to my Father and Mother, and then to Sirius. I tidied my books, left a note asking that they be returned to the library after the war, and ate chocolate for breakfast as I decided that tomorrow would be a good day to get Things Done.

It was only two in the afternoon by then, so I read the first and last chapters of several mystery novels I had been hoping to get to, did several laps of the house to keep myself in shape, and then tried to decide whether it made more sense to die in my best robe or my worst one.

And by then the sun had well and truly set and the darkness began to seep in through the windows and I told myself it was a terrible idea, but really it was that or lose my bottle entirely and leg it for Botswana, so I grabbed my quill and a square of parchment and I called Welky in and asked if he could get a message to someone without anyone else seeing him, and he assured me that he could.

And so I wrote to her. _Regulus Black lives at 14A Eaton Square,_ it said. Underneath that, three stark words: _Lily, I'm afraid._

She came.

Welky had barely returned when I heard the knock at the door, and I ran for it, assuring him that he would not be needed and that he could have the evening off. He checked that I was sure, then Disapparated happily, and I opened the door.

Lily had her wand drawn. She was wearing a Muggle coat and a blue woolly hat. 'Are you alone?' she whispered. I nodded, then quickly collected the hat in my nose and her wand in my back as she barrelled into me, hugging me more tightly than I would have credited given the look of her arms.

She pushed me inside and shut the door behind us. 'Never again!' she said angrily. 'I don't care what your reasoning is, you never again entirely disappear for this length of time without sending word. And you certainly don't send word like that! I was all set to Apparate to Sirius's and come back with the entire Order!'

'I missed you, too,' I said, smiling.

'Prat. Make me a cup of tea. And you'd better have cake.'

I did. Three types. She had taken off her coat and hat and was sitting on the settee when I came back in with the tray.

'So,' she began. 'What trouble are you in and how can we get you out of it?'

'Both good questions,' I said, cutting her a slice of the chocolatiest cake. 'Quite big trouble, and I am afraid there's nothing for it but to plunge deeper in.'

'Regulus Arcturus Black, what have you done?'

She did not sound the least bit like my mother.

'Where did you learn my middle name?'

'I asked your brother. He likes talking about you. Keeps hoping you're going to turn up on his doorstep asking to be taken in.'

'I nearly did.'

'Do! He'd be thrilled. Excellent cake.'

'Thank you.' I decided to dive right in. 'Lily, I think I know how to defeat Voldemort.'

She laughed.

'I'm serious.'

She stopped laughing. 'Really? _Really_? Well, why are we eating cake? We'll take it to the Order. We can mount an attack.'

'That's the thing.' I put my cake plate down, and waited till she did the same with hers. 'I've looked over it from every angle, and it's a one-person job.'

'All right. Well, you explain what needs to be done, and we'll find the best person for it.'

'No. Lily, I've thought it through at length and the best person is me.'

She nodded thoughtfully. 'Because you're an insider and can get in and out without detection?'

'In,' I agreed.

She noticed. 'What about the out?'

'Fairly certain there won't be an out.'

'Well that's not acceptable.'

'But it's what needs to happen.'

'No.' She pushed her hair back from her face. 'No. You're thinking like your brother. You're a young man who hasn't _done_ anything yet. There are other people who are able to make sacrifices, who are older, and have less to lose, less to miss out on.'

'Lily, I'm not going to ask anyone else to do this.'

'You haven't even told me what "this" is!' she snapped.

'No. And I'm not going to.'

'Fine. You're being ridiculous. I'm going.'

She picked up her coat and hat and stood up. Then she flung the garments back onto the settee and came to my chair and punched me hard in the arm.

'Stop it,' she ordered. 'Get over your Great Heroic Statements for a minute and tell me what you're going to do and we'll find a way to make it survivable. There's _always_ another way.'

'That really hurts.'

'Good.'

I reached out and caught her hand before she could punch me with it again. 'There's a prophecy. They know there's someone who can defeat Voldemort. He's coming, whoever it is.'

She uncurled her fist, and curled her hand around mine. 'How do you know?'

'Severus heard it. He didn't give me any details, only that, whoever this wizard is, he's expected. They tried to learn more from a man who works where they keep the prophecies, but he didn't know anything. They killed him.'

I stopped, then went on with the truth. ' _I_ killed him. I gave him a potion that stopped his heart. He asked me to. But even then I lied and told him he'd die from their curses, so he would think of me as someone who took away his pain and not his life. He had maybe ten minutes left, and I just wanted him to think well of me in them.'

I looked up and saw Lily was crying.

'I know,' I said. 'If there had been anything else I could have done … But all I could do was make it easy for him. And fast. They are scared, Lily, scared of this wizard and already actively working against him. When it becomes clear who it is, you will all be needed to keep him safe.'

'But what does this wizard have to do with you?'

'Voldemort has a back-up plan. I know the details of it, and I've worked out how to thwart it. Aside from the fact that it's almost certainly lethal, my plan is excellent, and should guarantee the wizard in the prophecy will be successful.'

'But … when? When is this mystery wizard meant to get here? How are we even meant to know who he is?'

'I don't know. It could be tomorrow, it could be a year from now. But that's why I need to act quickly.'

'How quickly?'

'Tomorrow.'

She let go of my hand and returned to the settee. 'No. You're being ridiculous. You're upset because you killed someone, and I won't pretend that's not awful, but you did it out of mercy, and that's much _less_ awful. You can't bring him back by killing yourself, that's absurd.'

'The two aren't connected,' I protested.

'Of course they are.'

'Well, yes, but only because I found out about the prophecy because I was there for him. Don't you see, Lily? I'm the only person who has all the pieces, and I'm also the most expendable.'

'Don't you dare say that!'

I jumped a little at the vehemence of her shout. I think she surprised herself, because she covered her mouth with her hand for a moment, but then she went on.

'Don't you dare. You're not expendable, none of us are. That's the way they think. We think about saving everyone.'

'Lily, I'm one of them. So let me do this, so I can save all of you.'

'Let you? What choice are you giving me?'

'None,' I admitted. 'But until I told you what I was going to do, I didn't think I would be brave enough to really do it.'

She thought for a moment. 'You said almost certainly lethal.'

I nodded.

'How almost?'

I shrugged. 'From what I know, and from what I've researched, I can't see a way in which it's not going to kill me. But I always like to consider the possibility of a miracle.'

'Do you believe in miracles?'

'No. But if one were to present itself, I'd happily change my mind.'

She smiled at that, then shook her head. 'I wish you'd never told me.'

'I know. I'm sorry, it was cowardice on my part. But I'm feeling braver now.'

'Regulus, I'm being serious, tell me what you know. You're the only person who's looked at the problem, other people will have other solutions.'

Now I shook my head. 'If you know, and Voldemort finds out you know, he will destroy you. This is his great secret, Lily, the one he would kill everyone to keep. The only reason I am still alive is that Lucius Malfoy thinks I am a soft-hearted coward, because if he had exchanged one word of his suspicions with the Dark Lord, no unplottable address would be enough to protect me.'

I moved to sit beside her on the settee. 'Anyone I tell the details to, I condemn. But I wanted you to know why I died, so that you would not think I had just left. And so that one day, you could tell Sirius, and let him know that I died trying to do the right thing. If I'm successful, you'll know what it was by then.'

She took my hand, but did not speak. Only looked at me, shaking her head slowly and biting her lip.

I forced a smile to my face. 'Anyway, now that I've made you thoroughly miserable, you should probably go back home. Won't Potter be worried?'

'I told him I had a letter from my sister and that I had to go to hers. He'll never ask her, they hate each other. Your house-elf appeared at just the right time for the late post round our way.'

'Oh,' I said, surprised at her easy facility for lying, which was absurd, since how does anyone survive a war without a gift for falsehood?

'I said I might be all night, so there's no rush.'

I was suddenly very conscious of her hand in mine, and let go of it, returning to my chair and my abandoned tea and cake.

'Very good cake,' I muttered, taking a sip of tepid tea.

'If you do this,' Lily said, 'you will die without ever having gone anywhere. Sirius said you've never even left the country.'

'Does Wales count?'

'No.'

'Well, I've read books. And Mother always said Foreigners were just like us, only less so.'

'You've never had your heart broken. You've never even had sex.'

'Steady on!'

'You're letting all of that go. All the futures that you could have had. All gone.'

'Perhaps that will make up a bit for the past.'

'Your past is not that bad! Certainly not compared to others!'

'None of them want to make amends, Lily.'

She flopped backwards, her hair clashing violently with the red velvet of the settee. 'It's just a stupid bloody waste.'

'Yes. That I agree with.'

'Stop eating cake, Regulus. You're upsetting me.'

I put the plate back down. 'Sorry.'

'And stop saying sorry.'

'All right.'

'And stop letting me boss you around.'

'Can't, I'm slightly afraid of you.'

She laughed at that. And then she looked at me, long and hard, until I was forced to look away. When I looked back, she was taking off her boots.

'What are you doing?'

'Finally working out what all those old ladies at the Women's Institute were always on about. And it's a terrible cliché, but it is the right thing to do.'

'None of that made any sense to me.'

'No, I don't expect so. Come on.'

She got up and padded over to me, barefooted, took my hand and pulled me up out of my chair. Then she led me out of the drawing room and along the corridor, pushing open doors as we went until we arrived at my bedroom.

I began to make out a possible meaning as she led me inside.

'You should go home,' I said. 'It's awfully late.'

Lily shook her head and let go of my hand. 'It's not late at all,' she said. She reached into her pocket and took out a hair elastic, drawing her locks up into a ponytail. 'It's New Year's, the end of 1977. I've had a fight with my sister and gone back to Hogwarts. You were so lonely without Sirius that you came back early, too. The teachers are all mostly pissed and we're alone.'

She took off her ring and removed her earrings and put them on top of my dresser by the door. 'I'm not going out with James yet, and I haven't had my ears pierced. We started talking over dinner, and you're showing me the Slytherin dormitory.' At that, she reached out and took my hand again.

'Severus would be here,' I whispered.

'No, his parents have made up. He's having the loveliest holiday ever, he's happy.'

'He's happy,' I echoed, and she raised my hand to her jaw. I moulded it around her fine bones and sank my fingers into her pulled-back hair.

'You had a bottle of Firewhisky, and we took a little each, feeling awfully daring. And then you told me that you thought I was beautiful, and I told you that I thought you were, too, and now you've decided to be tremendously brave and kiss me.'

'Now?'

'Now,' she breathed.

It was not like the time I had kissed her at the Ministry. This time she met me with eagerness, pressing her body against me as her lips gently parted and I learned the warm taste of her. I dropped my free hand to her waist, and hers went to my face, then to my neck, unbuttoning my robes. Her fingers were cool and nimble as they darted inside the wool and traced the lines of my neck and collarbones. I shivered, and felt her lips turn up against mine. Then they moved to my jaw and my throat, and I saw her hair ruffle as all the breath left my lips in a long sigh.

She moved a little away from me, took my hands, and brought them to the belt of her dress.

I blinked at her in surprise, but she nodded.

I was tempted, almost impossibly, but I kept hold of her hands. 'Lily,' I reminded her. 'You don't really want to.'

She kept her bright eyes on mine. 'It's Evans, Black, and I do.'

'But …'

'No, it's nearly 1978, and there are no buts. There are no reasons not to. Just the two of us and a near-empty school.'

'It's Belgravia, 1979,' I corrected her.

'Then you're remembering this,' she insisted. 'This is what happened then.'

'Lily …'

'Regulus, please … It's what I wish I'd done …'

'You love James.'

'Yes. But I didn't then. This could just as easily have happened.'

'But it didn't.

'Then let it happen now, and let's pretend it happened then.'

And I was out of arguments, and my fingers had already left hers and undone the knot of her belt and started on the buttons that ran down the front of her dress. There were a ridiculous number of them, and I fumbled, but finally I had it opened to her hips, and she shrugged her way out of it so that it fell lightly down to the floor.

Beneath it, she was wearing only light Mugglish underthings, and I held my breath at the sight of her skin. It was all over that soft cream, with smatterings of freckles on her chest and shoulders. I paused to kiss her again, and to take the elastic from her hair. I ran my fingers through the long red strands, and my hands came to rest on her shoulders. Bold now, I pushed the straps off them.

'There's a hook, at the front,' Lily whispered.

I undid it with only a moment's clumsiness, then sighed as the garment fell back and down her arms. Her breasts were beautiful, small, yet surprisingly full. She smiled encouragement, and I moved my hands to them, marvelling at the way they fit within my palms, and the peaks at their centres.

She shivered, and I wrapped her in my arms to warm her up. And I kissed her again and I tried to reassert a modicum of common sense – because somebody had to and apparently it wasn't Evans.

'Thank you,' I murmured into her hair. 'This is more than I ever hoped for. But my death is not a good reason for you to sleep with me.'

'No,' she agreed. 'But the fact I desperately want to is.'

I did try for common sense, but there were limits.

She reached behind her back and took my hand and guided it down towards her knickers. They were a flimsy scrap of green fabric, not at all like the long white cotton I had been told good witches wore. I pushed downwards, and gravity helped me after a moment and then Lily Evans was standing bare before me and I wanted to say stupid things, but thankfully was incapable of speech, and she reached up and undid the remaining buttons of my robe.

I swear that I didn't plan it, but I had been entirely inside the house all day, and had not bothered to put anything on beneath, so when she pushed the wool back from my shoulders and it fell to the ground, it was like the unveiling of a rather poor statue.

Appallingly, my already erect prick chose that exact moment to twitch upwards. I might have died of embarrassment, but that Lily's soft hand reached out and encircled it tenderly.

She smiled. 'I knew you'd be beautiful. All over.'

And because she said it, for that moment, I was. I lifted her up, which made her laugh, and I meant to carry her to the bed, except I tripped, so it was sort of a stagger, which ended up with me sitting on the bed's edge and her in my lap, but it was better than the floor and no one sustained any damage.

I had a moment to feel the astonishing luxury of her skin against mine, and then she stepped nimbly out of my lap, and then across me, with one knee either side of my legs. She pushed the two of us back a foot, so that she was straddling my lap and I was marvelling at all the beauty I held in my arms.

I kissed her, long and deep, and ran my hands over her skin, learning the contours of her back and hips, the slight roundness of her arse, her long thighs and the place between them where she put up with my reverential fumblings before reaching down and moving my hand to her hip, then guiding my prick home.

And my right hand was never like that – soft and elastic and wet and warm. She moved against me, once, twice, and then I was no longer able to count as my body shuddered into a release that it had known too few times and never with another person. I gasped my joy against her hair, then dropped my face to her shoulder to hide my mortification.

She kissed my neck tenderly and whispered my name, and after a moment I looked at her. 'One thing that I have learned through being friends with your brother,' she said in the gentlest of voices, 'is that every man's first time is really quite fast.'

She ran her hands the length of my back, then went on. 'Of course, I am also friends with Remus, who said that what Sirius meant was every man's first, third, sixth through ninth times, not to mention when drunk, or just lazy, were all better measured in seconds.'

I couldn't help chuckling, and could feel my laughter echoing through her body, making her shoulders vibrate beneath my hands, which was at once the strangest and most intimate sensation yet.

'So,' Lily said, kissing my jaw until I turned my head and she could reach my lips again, 'it's just as well you're young, so we won't have long to wait for your second time. And I am fairly sure we can test Remus's theory on the third, maybe even the sixth through ninth if we pace ourselves.'

At that, I felt a throb of life in my cock.

Lily smiled. 'There we go.'

As it turned out, Remus was right about the third, but wrong about the sixth.

I expected her to be gone when I woke up. But in the thin grey hours before dawn, she was still in my arms, breathing warmly against my chest. She had invaded all the boundaries of my person, I even tasted and smelled of her, and I was startled to find it delicious rather than a little disgusting, as I had always thought it would be.

We had made use of the night. Just before eleven she had let me run my hand down through the soft thatch of red hair between her legs and taught me what to do for her, which was a joy to watch, and repeat. She had pinned me down a little later and taken me in her mouth, which made me want to know the taste of her, too, so I grabbed my wand and levitated her, to shouts of laughter, and then gasps of more private delight.

We did not want to sleep, but were too exhausted not to.

Now, in the light that might have been the moon but was more likely streetlamps, I memorised her limbs, and the cluster of freckles on her left shoulder, and the way her hair did not lie flat against her skull at one point at the top of her crown.

She stirred, and looked up at me blearily. 'Morning,' she said.

'Not quite yet.'

'Can I have a glass of water?'

I summoned two, and we sat up in bed to drink them. We moved slowly, with tired muscles that were not yet awake.

'When are you going?' she asked.

'Later. Quite a bit later. You?'

'A little before that.'

She put my water back on the side table, too, then kissed me and nestled into my arms. 'That was all quite astonishing,' she said.

'I can easily say it was the best night of my life,' I replied. 'And ask that you ignore the low baseline it's compared against.'

She laughed. 'I didn't know you had a sense of humour.'

'I don't, normally. You bring out the best.'

'I'm glad. I'm glad I met this Regulus.'

'You don't regret it?'

'Not one moment.'

I held my breath before I asked my next question. 'Do you regret that the real 1978 didn't begin like this?'

She looked up at me. 'Yes.'

I was learning to read her face now. 'But you don't regret that you fell in love with James.'

'No.'

'Are you happy with him?'

'Very.'

'Could you have been happy with me?'

'Just as much.'

'Oh.'

She smiled. 'There are Muggle scientists who say that there are many worlds just like this one, all separated by one different decision, here or there. I think that in many of them, you spoke to me in 1978, and when Lucius Malfoy came calling for you, you were busy with me. We'd be getting married about now in those worlds, you'd have been out of school long enough for me to not look like an awful cradle robber.'

'I'm not that young.'

'You're a baby.'

'Do some of those worlds have no Voldemort?'

'Many.'

'Then there are some where we grow old together.'

'I'm certain there are.'

'That's good to know. Some version of me should have lots of nights like that one.'

She laughed, tiredly but properly.

I thought of something. 'Lily?'

'Yes?'

'You and Potter are bound to have children at some point, aren't you?'

'Yes.'

'I was going to say this to my own wife, but I'll tell you instead. Give them new names, not ones that belonged to dead relatives. I was named after my great-uncle, and this is his house. It's a little bit creepy. Stick them in as middle names if you can't resist.'

She was laughing, but I was serious.

'All right,' she said. 'I promise. Only new names. And with a bit of luck, the war will be over soon enough to use Regulus as a middle name for one of them, because everyone will know you died a hero by then.'

She kept her voice level, but her hands tightened their grip on my arms, and I bent to kiss her, and to tell her it would be all right, even if it wouldn't. And she stretched out against me, warm and lithe, and I forgot what I was going to say.

Remus was wrong about times seven through nine, too.

I tried to stay awake. The sun was pouring in through the windows now, and I could see the green of her eyes as she watched me struggle against sleep.

'I have to go soon,' she said.

'I know.' I sat up to help clear the muzziness of my thoughts. 'I want to say something, and I want you to know that it's not something new, it's something that's been true for a long time. I love you, very much.'

She kissed me, and she smiled, and she said, 'I love you too, Regulus.'

'And you also love Potter.'

'Yes.'

'In a slightly different but really quite similar way.'

That made her laugh. 'Yes.'

'That's good. He's a good man. He deserves you.'

'So do you,' she whispered.

'Yes, but with him you will have a life.'

She didn't answer that, because there was nothing to say, but she held me until I went to sleep, and I dreamed of her arms and the sound of her heartbeat.

When I woke up again, it was still early. She had gone, as I knew she must, but she had left every sign of her presence from the extra glass to her scent on the sheets, to red hairs on the robe I had been wearing.

I savoured them, like the late autumn sunlight that bathed the balcony as I took breakfast. Although I had named today as the day, I saw no need to rush. It was a beautiful day, and the work I have to do is the work of darkness … and perhaps I also wanted to live a little with the memories of last night.

So I sat to write. That was at the start of the day and now it is near the end. I will give the papers to Kreacher and ask that he give them to Lily when the Dark Lord is defeated, so that she can know how she made it possible. And, if I fail, that he hide them away, so that Lily need never explain.

It's probable that no one will be able to read any of this at all, since I've written so hastily and poorly. She took my favourite quill, the Everlasting Sirius gave me for my eleventh birthday. I like to think that she will chew on it absently where I did, that her lips will be where mine were.

I've not washed, and I know that is perverse, but I do not care. Lily has given me strength. She has taken a token to keep me with her. I have the knowledge of her courage and the memory of her skin against mine. It will be enough to carry me through what must be done.

It is fully dark now, and so I will finish here, and write one last note before I lay down my quill and call for Kreacher. I will make a final journey, and strike a blow without ever knowing whether or not it hits home. But I believe it will. And Lily will be safe. And she will remember me.


End file.
